metadad

the pushup elegy

146 chapters. The complete text, free, under CC BY 4.0.

1. Preface
2. What does a nosey pepper do?
3. What does a nosey pepper do?
4. You can't trust atoms.
5. You can't trust atoms.
6. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
7. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
8. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
9. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
10. What do you call a sleeping bull?
11. What do you call a sleeping bull?
12. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
13. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
14. What do you call a fake noodle?
15. What do you call a fake noodle?
16. How does a hurricane see?
17. How does a hurricane see?
18. Dedication
19. Where do polar bears keep their money?
20. Where do polar bears keep their money?
21. What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow?
22. What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow?
23. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
24. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
25. What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom?
26. What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom?
27. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
28. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
29. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
30. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
31. Why do peppers make such good archers?
32. Why do peppers make such good archers?
33. How do you stop a bull from charging?
34. How do you stop a bull from charging?
35. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
36. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
37. I ate a clock the other day.
38. I ate a clock the other day.
39. I used to be a baker.
40. I used to be a baker.
41. I'm writing a book about glue.
42. I'm writing a book about glue.
43. What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea?
44. What happened when the blue ship and red ship collided?
45. I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
46. I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
47. Why'd the fisherman order the halibut?
48. Why'd the fisherman order the halibut?
49. Why do vampires always seem sick?
50. Why do vampires always seem sick?
51. Why do melons have weddings?
52. Why do melons have weddings?
53. What did the police officer say to her belly button?
54. What did the police officer say to her belly button?
55. Why did the football coach go to the bank?
56. Why did the football coach go to the bank?
57. What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
58. What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
59. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
60. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
61. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
62. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
63. Why can't a leopard hide?
64. Why can't a leopard hide?
65. Air used to be free at the gas station.
66. Air used to be free at the gas station.
67. I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast.
68. I tried to get a smart car but they sold out too fast.
69. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
70. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
71. What did the plumber say to the singer?
72. What did the plumber say to the singer?
73. How do you make an octopus laugh?
74. How do you make an octopus laugh?
75. What do you call a fibbing cat?
76. What do you call a fibbing cat?
77. Want to hear a joke about paper?
78. Want to hear a joke about paper?
79. Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
80. Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
81. Where does Napoleon keep his armies?
82. Where does Napoleon keep his armies?
83. What's a lawyer's favorite drink?
84. What's a lawyer's favorite drink?
85. What did Sony release during the pandemic?
86. What did Sony release during the pandemic?
87. What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
88. What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
89. Why were there so many Lances in medieval times?
90. Why were there so many Lances in medieval times?
91. What do you call a wizard who's really bad at football?
92. What do you call a wizard who's really bad at football?
93. What's a guitar player's favorite Italian food?
94. What's a guitar player's favorite Italian food?
95. Where did Uncle Frank want to be buried?
96. Where did Uncle Frank want to be buried?
97. What brand of underwear do scientists wear?
98. What brand of underwear do scientists wear?
99. How many rings are there in marriage?
100. How many rings are there in marriage?
101. What kind of fruit do ghosts like?
102. What kind of fruit do ghosts like?
103. What happens when frogs park illegally?
104. What happens when frogs park illegally?
105. What do you call bears with no ears?
106. What do you call bears with no ears?
107. What's an astronaut's favorite part of the computer?
108. What's an astronaut's favorite part of the computer?
109. What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath?
110. What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath?
111. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
112. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
113. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
114. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
115. I'm afraid for the calendar.
116. I'm afraid for the calendar.
117. How does a man on the moon cut his hair?
118. How does a man on the moon cut his hair?
119. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
120. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
121. I hate my job — all I do is crush cans all day.
122. I hate my job — all I do is crush cans all day.
123. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
124. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
125. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had growing up.
126. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had growing up.
127. How do cows stay up to date?
128. How do cows stay up to date?
129. Did you hear they arrested the Energizer Bunny?
130. Did you hear they arrested the Energizer Bunny?
131. What has the lone cow been up to lately?
132. What has the lone cow been up to lately?
133. Why did Mario break up with Princess Peach?
134. Why did Mario break up with Princess Peach?
135. Why did the astronaut break up with the moon?
136. Why did the astronaut break up with the moon?
137. I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker...
138. I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker…
139. I've got an interview tomorrow to become the boss at Old McDonald's Farm.
140. I've got an interview tomorrow to become the boss at Old McDonald's Farm.
141. My cat has just eaten three mallards!
142. My cat has just eaten three mallards!
143. Saw a baguette at the zoo.
144. Saw a baguette at the zoo.
145. The CEO of IKEA was elected President of Sweden this week.
146. The CEO of Ikea was elected President of Sweden this week.