What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath?

setup: What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath?

[M] qua office, mahogany, brass nameplate, scotch on a tray Bond. The mission requires that you, ah, unwind. The Service has prepared a facility.

[007] qua tuxedo, slightly damp, scotch in hand, neutral What kind of facility, sir.

[M] A bath.

[007] A bath.

[M] A Service-approved bath.

[007] Sir, I take baths on my own time.

[M] This is different. This is Bubble 07.

[007] Bubble —

[M] The Service has codified it. Bubble 07. Forty minutes minimum. Temperature: 104°F. Bubble density: 22%. Soap brand: Imperial Leather. Aroma: lavender, smoke, faint regret.

[Shakes] qua secretary at the door, beaming This is the best of all possible debriefs.

[007] Sir, I don’t think —

[M] Q has been briefed. He will deliver the bath kit.

[Q] qua tweed, glasses, briefcase ((ENTERING)) Bond. Several upgrades.

[007] Q.

[Q] The rubber duck. Two functions. Floats. Also detonates.

[007] On what timer.

[Q] Your choice. Eight, sixteen, twenty-four seconds.

[007] And the loofah?

[Q] Garrotte.

[007] And the bubble bath?

[Q] Truth serum. Self-administered. Absorbed through the skin in the warm water. You will tell the bathtub everything.

[007] Why would I —

[Q] Periodic self-assessment, Bond. Service requirement.

[Manyfeek] qua bath mat folded on the desk, embroidered with a small 007 ((FROM ITS FOLD)) The bath has intel. He told the bath everything last quarter. The bath reports to M.

[M] Bond. The bath is cleared.

[007] And the exit code?

[M] Hot for go. Cold for hold. Drain for extraction.

[007] Understood.

[M] Bond. Forty minutes. Then we brief on Casablanca.

[007] Will the bath be coming with me.

[M] It is being shipped ahead.

punchline: Bubble 07.