What kind of fruit do ghosts like?

setup: What kind of fruit do ghosts like?

[Produce Manager] qua organic apron, beard, single AirPod, tablet on hip Welcome to Whole Spirit Foods. The poltergeist line is in aisle six.

[Ghost] qua translucent, faintly Victorian, drifting at hip height I’m here for the boo-berries.

[Produce Manager] The boo-berries are in cold-haunted storage. They’re premium this season.

[Ghost] ((CHEERFUL)) Mortal mortals tell me they taste like blueberries.

[Produce Manager] They are blueberries. Picked by ghosts. Touched by ghosts. Boxed by ghosts. Premium markup for the labor source.

[Ghost] And the crop is certified?

[Produce Manager] Spectrally certified. USDA Hauntings Division.

[Shakes] qua bag boy in suspenders, beaming This is the best of all possible groceries.

[Ghost] What’s the price.

[Produce Manager] Twelve ninety-nine a pint.

[Ghost] Twelve.

[Produce Manager] The picking workforce is unionized.

[Ghost] By whom.

[Produce Manager] Local 1882. Ectoplasmic Brotherhood of Berry Pickers.

[Ghost] I’m a member.

[Produce Manager] Then we offer you the picker’s discount. Ten ninety-nine.

[Ghost] ((PRODUCES TRANSLUCENT MEMBERSHIP CARD))

[Manyfeek] qua single boo-berry that escaped the carton, rolling slowly toward the registers ((FROM THE FLOOR)) I am not a blueberry. I am the same blueberry. They put a boo in front of me and tripled my price.

[Produce Manager] Mort, please return to the carton.

[Manyfeek] I am free. I am wild boo-berry. Catch me.

[Produce Manager] ((TO GHOST)) Sir, will you also be needing any moan-ades? Scary-tarts? Ghoul-ash?

[Ghost] Just the boo-berries.

[Produce Manager] Cash, card, or séance?

[Ghost] Séance.

[Produce Manager] ((PUTS DOWN A OUIJA-PINPAD)) Spell out your CVV.

punchline: Boo-berries.