Why do melons have weddings?

setup: Why do melons have weddings?

[Bill Melon] staring, pensive You know my family, Melanie. Big weddings are in our blood.

[Melanie Melanoma] sad I just want to be with you. Why can’t we just run off to Vegas. I just want to be a Melon. My family, it’s just not a happy story. Candy is ready to help us. She can be my best maid.

[Candy Bowles] Once I met, my Sugar, I knew we were a match made in heaven. Harry, my proctologist, introducted us.

[Harry Tush] It was my pleasure Candy, but you know Sugar is really related to my sister, Eileen.

[Eileen ButDontFallDown] Yes, all of the ButDontFallDown’s come from the Weebles from Pawtucket.

[Bill Melon] suprised That’s our dog’s name Pawtucket UnderHisBelly! In any case, Melanie, I know your families spotty past, but we can have a wedding. A big Melon wedding!

[Melanie Melanoma] uplifted Usually when people spot a Melanoma, it’s like death! You guys are so accepting.

[Manyfeek Melanoma] snorts ::OBSCENITY REDACTED::, Bill!, we’re gonna be family soon!

[Milcheck, off duty from lumon] I’m ready to help plan the wedding. How many Melons do I cut!

[Bill Melon] angry Try it ::OBSCENITY REDACTED::. Melons will be whole for our party.

[Milcheck, off duty from lumon] huffing off. Fine, I was only doing this as favor to your mother. Melons DO grow on trees, Bill!

[Bill Melon] OK. Melanie, let’s do Vegas…

[Manyfeek Melanoma] ::OBSCENITY REDACTED::, Bill!, a stripper wedding! So cool!

punchline: Because they cantaloupe.