I've got an interview tomorrow to become the boss at Old McDonald's Farm.

setup: I’ve got an interview tomorrow to become the boss at Old McDonald’s Farm.

[Recruiter] qua Zoom call, frame partly obscured by a Roomba in the background, lanyard Mr. Berger. Welcome. Old McDonald’s Farm. Senior leadership track. Position: CIEIO.

[BILL] qua collared shirt, suit jacket no tie, slightly anxious CIEIO.

[Recruiter] Yes. Chief Integrated Ecosystem Innovation Officer.

[BILL] That’s a lot of letters.

[Recruiter] That’s the title.

[BILL] What does the role entail.

[Recruiter] Stand in a field. Sing the song. Manage the noise compliance.

[Shakes] qua interview panelist, beaming This is the best of all possible candidacies.

[BILL] The song.

[Recruiter] The song. EIEIO. Yes. You will be singing it. Daily.

[BILL] All five vowels?

[Recruiter] With the C in front. We added the C in 2019. Branding decision.

[BILL] What does the C stand for.

[Recruiter] That is part of the interview.

[BILL] ((BEAT)) Chief?

[Recruiter] Yes.

[BILL] Chief Integrated Ecosystem Innovation Officer.

[Recruiter] The job is sing-the-song-while-standing-near-livestock.

[BILL] The job is the song.

[Recruiter] The song is the job.

[Manyfeek] qua single sheep wandering across the recruiter’s home-office background ((BLEATING)) He’s been on the call for an hour. I’m still here. I require shepherding.

[Recruiter] Mort. Please.

[Manyfeek] The current CIEIO is on PTO. I have not been moved in days.

[BILL] What’s the salary.

[Recruiter] Twenty-five thousand dollars and ownership of the chicken. One chicken.

[BILL] The whole chicken?

[Recruiter] One chicken. Equity.

[BILL] And benefits?

[Recruiter] Health. Dental. Cow.

[BILL] A cow?

[Recruiter] Optional cow.

[BILL] What’s the catch.

[Recruiter] You have to sing it. Out loud. Every. Single. Day.

[BILL] ((LONG BEAT)) And on this farm there was a —

[Recruiter] You’re hired.

punchline: It’s for the position of CIEIO.