How do cows stay up to date?

setup: How do cows stay up to date?

[Editor in Chief] qua sleeves rolled, ink-stained hands, green visor Front page for tomorrow’s Moo-spaper. What do we have?

[Junior Reporter] qua spiral notebook, pencil behind ear, hooves Lead story: Pasture C is now open.

[Editor in Chief] Above the fold?

[Junior Reporter] Above the fold.

[Editor in Chief] Lead photo?

[Junior Reporter] Tall grass with morning dew. Stringer caught it at 5 AM.

[Editor in Chief] Pulitzer material. What else.

[Shakes] qua copy editor with a red pen, beaming This is the best of all possible newsrooms.

[Junior Reporter] Business section: Beef futures down 4%.

[Editor in Chief] Bury that.

[Junior Reporter] Bury it?

[Editor in Chief] The herd doesn’t need to read about beef futures. We are the herd.

[Junior Reporter] Yes, Chief.

[Editor in Chief] Sports?

[Junior Reporter] Local softball team wins again. Final score 4-2. Six runs total. Cows ate the fly balls.

[Editor in Chief] Front page.

[Junior Reporter] Bigger than the pasture story?

[Editor in Chief] The herd reads sports first.

[Manyfeek] qua single hay-stained classified ad on the editor’s desk ((FROM THE PAPER)) “Bull, used, runs well, only chased 14 cars, 200 dollars firm.” I have been running this ad for three months. Nobody is calling. The bull is getting older.

[Editor in Chief] Mort, that ad is paid up through October.

[Manyfeek] The bull is not.

[Editor in Chief] Weather?

[Junior Reporter] Partly cloudy. Chance of clover.

[Editor in Chief] Beautiful.

[Junior Reporter] And the op-ed page?

[Editor in Chief] Same as always. “We Should All Be Eating More Grass.”

[Junior Reporter] By the same author?

[Editor in Chief] By the entire herd.

punchline: They read the Moo-spaper.