How does a man on the moon cut his hair?

setup: How does a man on the moon cut his hair?

[Lunar Barber] qua white smock, two scissors, comb tucked into hatband, low-gravity float Good morning, sir. Trim?

[Man on the Moon] qua pale, slightly cratered face, regolith dust in beard, gentle smile Yes. Just clean it up.

[Lunar Barber] Style?

[Man on the Moon] The usual.

[Lunar Barber] Eclipse?

[Man on the Moon] Eclipse.

[Lunar Barber] Same as last time?

[Man on the Moon] Same as last time.

[Shakes] qua barbershop apprentice with a broom, beaming This is the best of all possible salons.

[Lunar Barber] ((CIRCLES THE CHAIR)) Sir, the eclipse is executed as follows. You will position yourself directly between the sun and the earth. I will hand you the scissors. You will hold them above your head. The sun’s shadow will fall across your hair. The shadow will trim what needs trimming. The earth will provide the* mirror.

[Man on the Moon] That’s… that’s the process?

[Lunar Barber] That is the process.

[Man on the Moon] And the price?

[Lunar Barber] One total eclipse. Per cut.

[Man on the Moon] That’s once every eighteen months.

[Lunar Barber] Yes.

[Man on the Moon] That’s my timeline.

[Lunar Barber] That’s your timeline.

[Manyfeek] qua discarded clipping of moon-hair drifting in the low-gravity barber chair ((DRIFTING)) I have been falling for six minutes. I am not landing. I will be in this barbershop forever.

[Lunar Barber] Mort, please return to the bin.

[Manyfeek] The bin is also drifting.

[Lunar Barber] Sir, are we ready?

[Man on the Moon] ((LOOKING UP)) The earth is in position.

[Lunar Barber] The sun is rising.

[Man on the Moon] Then so am I.

[Lunar Barber] Quiet now. The shadow does its work.

((BEAT. EVERYTHING DARKENS. WHEN THE LIGHT RETURNS, THE MAN ON THE MOON’S HAIR IS PERFECT.))

[Man on the Moon] Beautiful.

[Lunar Barber] Same time next year.

punchline: Eclipse it.