What do you call a wizard who's really bad at football?

setup: What do you call a wizard who’s really bad at football?

[BILL] elf, PR manager, FULLY AND NATTILY CLOTHED ((gravelly voice)) I really don’t know what to do with her anymore.

[Shakes] qua Cho Chang Well. You could have my name.

[Manyfeek] qua Neville Longbottom Oh. Like you suffered. I was directly taunted for, I don’t know, years? Mainly about my lack of orthodontics? Sure, I could have washed more, but this is England.

[KayCEE] qua Hermione Granger Well, I’m fine with how I was portrayed in the films. Very accurate to her vision, I’d say?

[BILL] looking at [KayCEE] ((gravelly voice)) She called you a bitch like on Twitter or something? How do you take that? I mean do we respond? How do I watch the new series on HBO Max now? I mean this might be Lithgow’s last big role?

[Shakes] Lithgow said he’s fine with my name? Did he say that?

[BILL] ((gravelly voice)) I don’t think he said anything like that, but you know, John Lithgow deserves a big hit, right? I mean he did that stuff with the sasquatch and then that alien stuff for years. He was great in Conclave! I mean come on? Right?

[Manyfeek] No. I’m sorry. I’m out.

[KayCEE] Yeah. Uh. I’m going to go to the UN or something…

(([Shakes] qua Cho Chang staring at [BILL]))

punchline: Fumbledore.