Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

setup: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

[HR Rep] qua corporate softball league t-shirt, mug that says LIVE LAUGH ESCALATE Schwinn. Thanks for coming in today. We’re a little concerned.

[Schwinn] qua ten-speed road bike, drivetrain creaking, leaning hard against the wall I’m fine.

[HR Rep] You haven’t been standing up at the morning huddle.

[Schwinn] I’ve been standing up.

[HR Rep] You’ve been leaning.

[Schwinn] That’s how I stand.

[HR Rep] Bikes don’t lean, Schwinn. Bikes stand.

[Shakes] qua intern with a wellness pamphlet This is the best of all possible workplaces.

[HR Rep] Have you been getting enough sleep?

[Schwinn] I haven’t slept in eleven days.

[HR Rep] ((TIGHT SMILE)) Sleep is so important.

[Schwinn] You sent me to Phoenix. You sent me to Phoenix and back. Three times. Last week.

[HR Rep] Phoenix has wellness resources.

[Schwinn] Phoenix has hills.

[Manyfeek] qua kickstand, snapped off, lying flat on the floor ((FROM THE GROUND)) Y’all broke him.

[HR Rep] That isn’t a productive contribution.

[Manyfeek] I’m structural. I had one job.

[HR Rep] Schwinn. I want to put you on a Performance Improvement Plan to help you get back to baseline.

[Schwinn] I don’t have a baseline.

[HR Rep] Everyone has a baseline.

[Schwinn] Mine is horizontal.

punchline: It was two tired.