The CEO of Ikea was elected President of Sweden this week.

metadad · by Bill Berger

setup: The CEO of Ikea was elected President of Sweden this week.

[Speaker of the Riksdag] qua wood-paneled office, glasses, water glass, slightly amused Welcome. We are here today to brief on the new government formation.

[Reporter] qua badge, recorder, leaning forward Mr. Speaker. Has the Prime Minister-designate selected his Cabinet?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] The Prime Minister-designate is Mr. Kamprad. Yes. He is in the process of assembling his Cabinet.

[Reporter] Has the process begun?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] Yes. Yesterday. In a large room. On the floor. Surrounded by parts.

[Reporter] I’m sorry?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] The Cabinet has arrived in flat pack. The Prime Minister-designate has instructions. He has the Allen key.

[Shakes] qua cabinet aide with a notepad, beaming This is the best of all possible governments.

[Reporter] Mr. Speaker. Are you saying the literal Cabinet —

[Speaker of the Riksdag] The Cabinet. Yes. The literal Cabinet.

[Reporter] And the ministers?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] Each minister is one piece. The Foreign Minister is the large side panel. The Defense Minister is the hinged door. The Finance Minister is the drawer assembly. The Justice Minister is the shelf with adjustable pegs.

[Reporter] Have any pieces been lost?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] ((SIGH)) The Health Minister was missing two screws. We are waiting on the spare parts envelope.

[Manyfeek] qua single misplaced cam-lock fitting on the Speaker’s desk ((FROM ITS POSITION)) I am supposed to be in the Justice Minister. I am here instead. The Justice Minister is wobbling.

[Speaker of the Riksdag] Mort, please return to the assembly.

[Manyfeek] The Prime Minister cannot find me.

[Reporter] Will the government be functional by Monday?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] If the Foreign Minister’s mounting bracket arrives from Älmhult. We are told it is en route.

[Reporter] And when complete?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] Sturdy. Affordable. Somewhat Scandinavian.

[Reporter] Are there instructions for the people?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] Two pages. Diagrams only. No words in any language.

[Reporter] And the spare screws?

[Speaker of the Riksdag] Always extra. That’s how you know it’s working.

punchline: He’s still assembling his cabinet…