Air used to be free at the gas station.

setup: Air used to be free at the gas station.

[Fed Chair] qua bookcase background, lectern, blue tie, water glass Today’s policy review will address the Tire Air Index. TAI. We have entered a new regime.

[Reporter] qua press badge, recorder, second row Madam Chair, can you explain the recent change in pricing?

[Fed Chair] Two-fifty.

[Reporter] For air.

[Fed Chair] For compressed air. Pressurized air. Air that does work.

[Shakes] qua aide with a folder, beaming This is the best of all possible economies.

[Reporter] Madam Chair, in 1987 this was free.

[Fed Chair] In 1987 we had one currency. In 1987 we did not tax gases.

[Reporter] Inflation has hit the air itself.

[Fed Chair] Yes. We are literally inflating.

[Reporter] Couldn’t drivers just blow their tires up themselves?

[Fed Chair] ((PAUSES)) That is a real question.

[Reporter] With their mouths.

[Fed Chair] The lung capacity required is substantial.

[Reporter] Have we calculated it?

[Fed Chair] Forty-seven breaths per tire. Per PSI. We did the math at the Fed.

[Manyfeek] qua deflated bicycle tire propped against the lectern ((WHEEZING)) I have been waiting at this gas station for two days. I have $2.30. I need twenty cents.

[Fed Chair] Sir, we do not give change.

[Manyfeek] I am a tire.

[Fed Chair] All the more reason.

[Reporter] Madam Chair, will the price come down?

[Fed Chair] ((LONG BEAT)) Air rises.

[Reporter] That isn’t how inflation works.

[Fed Chair] It is exactly how inflation works.

punchline: Now it costs $2.50. Inflation.