Free Books › metadad

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

setup: How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

[BILL] qua Darth Vader, Evil Lord of the Sith ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) I hope my children enjoy their gifts this year.

(([BILL] force moves a star to the top of the tree))

(([Manyfeek] and [KayCEE] run from downstairs))

[Manyfeek] qua a child Luke, the new hope WOW! LOOK AT ALL THE GIFTS! THANKS, DAD!

[BILL] ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) Thanks, DAD? Santa brings the gifts down the tree!

[KayCEE] qua a child Leia, the extra one DAD! You’re still pushing Santa?! Like THAT could happen! Travel across space and time in like a second?! Who would believe that?!

[BILL] ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) Well, then who are all these gifts for, I should take them bac…

[Manyfeek] glaring at Leia, whispering Don’t spoil it!

[Manyfeek] back to [BILL] We love Santa, dad! Let’s open gifts!

[BILL] sending gift to [Manyfeek] via force push ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) Haha! OK. First gift!

[Manyfeek] ripping open gift What is it?!

[BILL] smiling but unseen given the mask ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) It’s at the bottom. Careful, it’s a bit wet on the bottom.

[Manyfeek] pulling out severed head from box AAAAAAAAH!

[BILL] ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) Haha! I’m glad you love it. Yep, that’s Admiral Ozzel. He was not great. Very bad driver.

(([Manyfeek] continues to scream))

[BILL] continuing, force pushes gift to [KayCEE] ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) Here’s your first one [KayCEE]!

[KayCEE] tentative, opening Is mine a head too, dad?

[BILL] ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) You’ll have to find out, but yours is wet on the bottom as well!

(([KayCEE] annoyed, turns box upside down)) ((Head of Captain Needa rolls out)) (([KayCEE] crossing her arms in front of her))

[BILL] ((Pusssht! Ahhh!)) Haha! I’m glad you like it! That’s Needa. He needa a new head, I thinka. Haha!

[BILL] looking OK. Let me find you kids your other heads, I mean, gifts …

punchline: He felt his presents.