Want to hear a joke about paper?

setup: Want to hear a joke about paper?

[Writers’ Room Lead] qua glasses, dry-erase marker, three-day-old whiteboard Okay. The paper joke. Pitch it.

[BILL] qua hoodie, sneakers, two cups of cold coffee Want to hear a joke about paper?

[Writers’ Room Lead] Yeah.

[BILL] Never mind.

[Writers’ Room Lead] Why.

[BILL] It’s tearable.

((LONG BEAT.))

[Shakes] qua junior writer with a fresh notepad, beaming This is the best of all possible writers’ rooms.

[Writers’ Room Lead] Bill.

[BILL] Yes.

[Writers’ Room Lead] We bought this premise in 1987.

[BILL] I know.

[Writers’ Room Lead] We have paid out residuals on the paper joke in thirty-six languages.

[BILL] I know.

[Writers’ Room Lead] Every paper joke is a derivative work of the original paper joke.

[BILL] I know.

[Writers’ Room Lead] Bill. Tear up the pitch.

[BILL] That’s the joke.

[Writers’ Room Lead] That’s the joke.

[Manyfeek] qua a sheet of legal-pad paper crumpled in the corner ((FROM THE CARPET)) I have been the punchline four hundred and twelve times this year. I am very, very tired.

[Writers’ Room Lead] The paper is also in this room.

[Manyfeek] Always.

[Writers’ Room Lead] Bill. Let’s retire the paper joke.

[BILL] We can’t.

[Writers’ Room Lead] Why not.

[BILL] ((PRODUCES A FILE FOLDER)) The contract was signed on paper.

[Writers’ Room Lead] Of course it was.

punchline: Never mind. It’s tearable.