How does a hurricane see?

metadad · by Bill Berger

setup: How does a hurricane see?

[Meteorologist] qua khakis, NWS polo, laser pointer, Doppler radar looping behind At 0600 Eastern, Hurricane Doreen reached Category 4 status. We have updated tracking.

[Anchor] qua local-news suit, decade of storm coverage, calm professional What can our viewers expect today?

[Meteorologist] Doreen is seeing very well.

[Anchor] I’m sorry?

[Meteorologist] Doreen has 20/20 vision in her eye. The pressure differential has tightened the iris.

[Anchor] You mean the eye-wall —

[Meteorologist] I mean the eye. The eye is the eye.

[Shakes] qua trainee meteorologist with a graduate degree and a cowlick This is the best of all possible storm seasons.

[Meteorologist] Hurricanes have one eye, Karen. They have always had one eye. It’s how they navigate.

[Anchor] Navigate.

[Meteorologist] Doreen is looking for Tampa. We have radar data showing direct ocular alignment with the Tampa Bay area.

[Anchor] That’s not how —

[Meteorologist] ((CLICKER ADVANCES TO A SLIDE: A SATELLITE IMAGE OF DOREEN, EYE PERFECTLY ROUND)) That is clearly a pupil. You can see the lens.

[Manyfeek] qua untethered weather balloon, drifting across the studio set ((PASSING)) I have been inside her. She blinked.

[Anchor] Sir, we can’t —

[Meteorologist] Karen. Doreen is making eye contact with the Gulf Coast. She is looking at us. We must look back. Respectfully.

[Anchor] What does the evacuation order say.

[Meteorologist] Avert your gaze.

punchline: With one eye.