What's an astronaut's favorite part of the computer?

metadad · by Bill Berger

setup: What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer?

[Tech Columnist] qua glasses, podcast mic, cardigan, sitting across from the astronaut Welcome back to Hardware Hour. My guest today is Mission Specialist Reyes. Captain, what’s your favorite peripheral?

[Reyes] qua flight suit, hands resting on table, slight twitch The space bar.

[Tech Columnist] The spacebar?

[Reyes] The space bar. Two words.

[Tech Columnist] Captain, I think you may be —

[Reyes] The space bar. It is the bar at the bottom of the keyboard. I press it when I want a space. On Earth, this is a routine operation. In space, the space bar is the space.

[Tech Columnist] I’m sorry?

[Reyes] Every time I press it, I am asserting space. I am generating* space. I am, in effect, expanding the universe by one character width.

[Shakes] qua podcast producer behind the glass, beaming This is the best of all possible interviews.

[Tech Columnist] Captain. That’s not how keyboards work.

[Reyes] That is exactly how keyboards work in space. In a vacuum. Where every character is a contained pocket of meaning surrounded by nothing.

[Tech Columnist] What about… the return key?

[Reyes] ((DARK)) The return key is personal.

[Tech Columnist] Captain.

[Reyes] I came back. Every time I press the return key, I am reminded that I came back. I did not stay.

[Manyfeek] qua single typewriter key labeled SPACE on a museum shelf in the background ((FROM ITS POSITION)) I was on the Apollo 11 command module. Buzz pressed me twice. Once for a space. Once because he was nervous. I am the only key with mission patches.

[Tech Columnist] Captain, do you also enjoy the enter key?

[Reyes] That is the same key.

[Tech Columnist] Different machines call it different things.

[Reyes] The machine that brought me home called it return. The machine I left up there called it enter. I prefer the one that comes back.

[Tech Columnist] And your least favorite key?

[Reyes] ((PAUSE)) Escape.

[Tech Columnist] Captain.

[Reyes] Don’t make me.

punchline: The Space Bar.