I used to have a job at a calendar factory.

setup: I used to have a job at a calendar factory.

[HR Director] qua cardigan, mug, “EVERY DAY IS A NEW BEGINNING” plaque on the wall Bill. We need to talk about your attendance.

[BILL] qua factory polo with Berger stitched over the heart, hands stained with date-ink I came in every day. Almost every day.

[HR Director] We have records.

[BILL] The records are complicated.

[HR Director] You took two days off, Bill.

[BILL] Yes.

[HR Director] March 12. October 7.

[BILL] Yes.

[HR Director] Tuesdays, both.

[BILL] Yes.

[Shakes] qua factory-floor supervisor, beaming This is the best of all possible production lines.

[HR Director] Bill. You took two days off the line. Production stopped for forty-eight hours.

[BILL] I had a cold.

[HR Director] Bill. The factory makes calendars. You removed two days from the year.

[BILL] I —

[HR Director] The Anderson family in Topeka will receive a calendar this December with no March 12. No October 7. There is a gap. There is a hole in their year.

[BILL] That’s not —

[HR Director] The Andersons have anniversaries on those dates.

[Manyfeek] qua half-printed October sheet drifting down from an overhead conveyor ((FALLING)) October seventh was my birthday. Every year. And now.

[BILL] I didn’t delete the days. I just wasn’t here.

[HR Director] On a calendar floor, Bill, being here and the day existing are the same thing.

[BILL] That can’t be right.

[HR Director] Look around you.

(([BILL] LOOKS AROUND. THE FACTORY IS DARK FOR JUST TWO MACHINES — THE MACHINES FOR MARCH 12 AND OCTOBER 7))

[HR Director] Bill. I’m sorry. The board has decided you are no longer time.

punchline: But I got fired because I took a couple of days off.