Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

setup: Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

[Flight Surgeon] qua coffee, paper chart, glasses pushed up Captain Reyes. Let’s talk about your last mission.

[Reyes] qua flight suit, mission patches, hands restless Twelve days. International Space Station. Routine.

[Flight Surgeon] The cabin logs show you exited the airlock three times. Unauthorized.

[Reyes] Yes.

[Flight Surgeon] For what reason.

[Reyes] I needed a minute.

[Shakes] qua mission medic with a clipboard, beaming This is the best of all possible orbits.

[Flight Surgeon] Captain, the vacuum of space is not a place to take a minute.

[Reyes] The cabin is six feet by eight feet.

[Flight Surgeon] The cabin is six feet by eight feet for good reasons.

[Reyes] The space outside the cabin is six trillion light-years by six trillion light-years.

[Flight Surgeon] ((WRITING)) I see.

[Reyes] Have you ever been in a six-by-eight room with three other men and a freeze-dried omelet.

[Flight Surgeon] No.

[Reyes] For twelve days.

[Flight Surgeon] No.

[Reyes] I just wanted room.

[Flight Surgeon] Captain. You are an astronaut. The job is the small room.

[Reyes] The job is also the outside.

[Manyfeek] qua tether line draped on the surgeon’s desk, cut at one end ((LIMP)) He cut me. Three times. I’m a tether. I have one job.

[Flight Surgeon] Captain. We need to talk about your next mission.

[Reyes] What is it.

[Flight Surgeon] Mars.

[Reyes] ((LIGHTS UP)) That’s bigger.

[Flight Surgeon] Twenty months in a tin can.

[Reyes] ((DEFLATES)) Oh.

punchline: He just wanted a bit more space.