What did the plumber say to the singer?

setup: What did the plumber say to the singer?

[Talent Scout] qua tweed jacket, monocle on string, audition card Miss Aria. We’re enchanted. Your range is extraordinary.

[Soprano] qua gown, sheet music, hair coiled high Thank you. I — I’ve been training since I was six.

[Talent Scout] And the tone. Pure. Resonant. Architectural.

[Plumber] qua coveralls, wrench in back pocket, lunch pail ((ENTERING)) ’Scuse me. I’m here about the upstairs leak.

[Talent Scout] Sir, we’re in the middle of an audition —

[Plumber] ((TO SOPRANO)) Nice pipes.

[Shakes] qua pianist on stool, beaming This is the best of all possible auditions.

[Soprano] ((BEAMING)) Thank you so much.

[Plumber] Copper?

[Soprano] I’m sorry?

[Plumber] The pipes. Are they copper?

[Soprano] ((CONFUSED)) I — they’re vocal chords, sir.

[Plumber] ((PEERING)) Yeah, but. Are they copper. Or PVC. Because the resonance I’m hearing is suspiciously copper.

[Soprano] I have never been described as suspiciously copper.

[Plumber] The vibrato is off, ma’am. I’m telling you. You’ve got a pinhole leak in your upper register.

[Manyfeek] qua bottle of Drano left on the stage ((FROM ITS POSITION)) He always does this. He fixed our church organ last week. Charged us six hundred dollars. It was a hymnal.

[Talent Scout] Sir, would you kindly leave the audition.

[Plumber] I can come back. The upstairs leak can wait.

[Soprano] ((QUIETLY, RESUMING THE ARIA)) La-aaaaaaaa —

[Plumber] ((FROM THE DOORWAY)) Solder, ma’am. That’s all you need. Soft solder.

punchline: Nice pipes.