Where do polar bears keep their money?

setup: Where do polar bears keep their money?

[Wealth Advisor] qua tundra-pattern blazer, ice-pick lapel pin, glasses fogged Welcome to Frost & Pemmican Private Trust. May I offer you a brisk seat?

[Polar Bear Client] qua 1,300 pounds, dripping, two dead seals slung over one shoulder I’m here about my account.

[Wealth Advisor] Of course. Mr. — let me check — Mr. Snowball. Yes. Your portfolio is deeply frozen and performing very well.

[Polar Bear Client] What’s the rate.

[Wealth Advisor] We offer 0.04 percent above the Arctic Prime, indexed to ice thickness as of January 1.

[Polar Bear Client] Ice thickness is going down.

[Wealth Advisor] ((SMOOTHLY)) Yes. That is why we have moved to a multi-bank diversification strategy.

[Shakes] qua intern in a parka, holding a tray of mukluk-shaped pastries This is the best of all possible fiduciaries.

[Polar Bear Client] Where do you keep my money.

[Wealth Advisor] In a snow bank. The bank is a snow bank.

[Polar Bear Client] That’s just a pile of snow.

[Wealth Advisor] It is an FDIC-insured pile of snow.

[Polar Bear Client] By whom.

[Wealth Advisor] The Federal Drift Insurance Corporation.

[Manyfeek] qua broken ATM half-buried in a drift ((SPITTING RECEIPTS)) I’ve been flagged. Withdrawal denied. Withdrawal denied.

[Polar Bear Client] Why is the ATM yelling.

[Wealth Advisor] He’s been retraining. The market is volatile.

[Polar Bear Client] ((LOWERING SEAL)) Let me speak to your manager.

[Wealth Advisor] She’s hibernating. She’ll be back in April.

punchline: The snow bank.