What brand of underwear do scientists wear?
setup: What brand of underwear do scientists wear?
[Runway Announcer] qua headset, glittered blazer, monitor showing temperature in Kelvin Welcome back to NYFW Lab Edition. Up next on the runway — Kelvin Klein Spring/Summer.
((A MODEL STEPS OUT IN A WHITE LAB COAT OVER MINIMAL UNDERGARMENTS PRINTED WITH PERIODIC-TABLE SYMBOLS))
[Runway Announcer] The brief, the boxer, the bunsen-burner-resistant trunk. All in the brand’s signature thermodynamically neutral fabric.
[Fashion Editor] qua front row, glasses, two cell phones, leather-bound notebook Is that the Boltzmann line?
[Runway Announcer] Yes. Each piece is rated to absolute zero.
[Fashion Editor] Why.
[Runway Announcer] Because the scientist who wears it might need to enter a cryostat.
[Fashion Editor] That’s a lot of garments to make for that case.
[Runway Announcer] Niche market. High margin.
[Shakes] qua front-row publicist with a clipboard, beaming This is the best of all possible collections.
((SECOND MODEL EMERGES: KELVIN KLEIN “THE CARNOT,” A FULL-COVERAGE BRIEF WITH HEAT-EXCHANGE PIPING))
[Runway Announcer] The Carnot. Reversible. Engine-efficient. Approved by the second law.
[Fashion Editor] Have they validated this with actual scientists?
[Runway Announcer] The CEO has a PhD.
[Fashion Editor] In what.
[Runway Announcer] Mechanical engineering.
[Fashion Editor] So no.
[Manyfeek] qua single label from a Kelvin Klein boxer, fallen on the runway ((FROM THE FLOOR)) “Made in Switzerland. 100% absolute-zero-rated cotton. Do not warm above 273.15 K. Tumble dry not.”
[Fashion Editor] “Tumble dry not.”
[Manyfeek] Not “tumble dry low.” “Tumble dry not.” The garment cannot tumble dry.
[Fashion Editor] Because.
[Manyfeek] It is already as dry as it can be. That’s the entire point.
[Runway Announcer] Final look. The Absolute.
((A MODEL STEPS OUT IN A SINGLE WHITE THONG MARKED 0 K))
[Runway Announcer] Zero motion. Zero entropy. Zero exposure to fabric softener.
[Fashion Editor] I’ll take twelve.
punchline: Kelvin Klein.