Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

setup: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

[Inspector] qua certification clipboard, kosher-stamp embosser, gloves Welcome to the appellation hearing. I am the bagel certification authority, southern Long Island sector. State your name and your point of origin.

[Seagull] qua large, white, slightly aggressive, salt-crusted Stan. I’m a seagull. From the sea.

[Inspector] That is the premise of this hearing.

[Shakes] qua a single sesame seed, glossy This is the best of all possible delis.

[Inspector] Mr. Stan. The flock has filed flight logs with the Coastal Avian Authority showing over-the-bay flights. Repeated. Documented.

[Seagull] I — I didn’t —

[Inspector] Over the bay, Mr. Stan. Not over the sea.

[Seagull] The bay is part of the sea.

[Inspector] The bay is categorically distinct. The bay is inland water. Sea requires open ocean.

[Manyfeek] qua dropped bagel on a parking-lot curb, one bite missing ((FROM BELOW)) Stan was seen at the bay. I watched him. I watched him circle. Then I got eaten.

[Inspector] The witness is credible.

[Seagull] That’s a bagel.

[Inspector] Yes.

[Seagull] Bagels don’t have eyes.

[Inspector] Bagels have holes. Through which they see everything.

[Seagull] I have kids.

[Inspector] Your kids are also under investigation.

[Seagull] What’s the penalty.

[Inspector] Reclassification.

[Seagull] Into what.

[Inspector] You know into what.

punchline: If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.