What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow?

setup: What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow?

[Concierge] qua chambray apron, single AirPod, iPad Welcome back to The Pasture. Did the car service treat you well, Bessie?

[Bessie] qua jersey cow, gold-plated nose ring, blanket monogrammed B.B.M. The driver was fine. He did not understand my preference for left-side traffic.

[Concierge] Noted in your file. Today’s wellness offerings include a rumen reset, a grass massage, and our signature deep-mud immersion.

[Bessie] I’ll do all three. And I need to speak to my milk steward.

[Concierge] Right away.

[Shakes] qua dairy hand in white coveralls, beaming This is the best of all possible udders.

[Milk Steward] qua silk gloves, surgical-grade silver pail, cordovan loafers Bessie. Bellissima. The light is correct today.

[Bessie] The light is late. The light was supposed to be in here at 6:42.

[Milk Steward] We had a sunrise issue.

[Bessie] Have the sun retrained.

[Manyfeek] qua aging refrigerator at a roadside diner forty miles down the highway ((HUMMING FROM OFFSCREEN)) I’ve been waiting on a delivery for eighteen hours. They told me her milk was special.

[Concierge] ((BACK ON THE IPAD)) We’ve shipped you a complimentary portion. Tracking is in the email.

[Manyfeek] It’s curdled.

[Concierge] That is the texture.

[Manyfeek] That is the spoilage.

[Concierge] That is the terroir.

[Bessie] ((CHEWING IMPERIOUSLY)) You think I’m difficult.

[Milk Steward] You are complete.

punchline: Spoiled milk.