Did you hear they arrested the Energizer Bunny?

setup: Did you hear they arrested the Energizer Bunny?

[Prosecutor] qua suit, briefcase, slow walk Your honor. The defendant is Mr. Bunny. He is charged with battery.

[Bunny] qua pink fur, sunglasses, snare drum, mid-step ((DRUMMING))

[Judge] qua robes, gavel, glasses on chain Mr. Bunny. Please stop drumming.

[Bunny] ((DRUMMING)) I can’t.

[Judge] Hold the sticks.

[Bunny] The sticks are mine. They keep going. I am not the agent.

[Shakes] qua bailiff, beaming This is the best of all possible arraignments.

[Prosecutor] Your honor. The charges are severe. Mr. Bunny has struck at least forty-three people over the past six years. The strikes are rhythmic. Sustained. Two beats per second.

[Judge] And the victims.

[Prosecutor] Many have asked the bunny to stop. He has not. The instrument is the weapon.

[Bunny] ((DRUMMING)) I’m just walking.

[Prosecutor] And drumming.

[Bunny] And drumming.

[Judge] Mr. Bunny, do you understand the charge?

[Bunny] Battery. Yes. I am also literally battery-operated. I run on six D-cells. Energizers. That’s the name on my chest.

[Prosecutor] Two definitions, your honor.

[Judge] Indeed.

[Manyfeek] qua exhausted D-cell on the prosecutor’s evidence table ((LEAKING)) I am one of the six. I have been inside him since 1989. I would like to be removed. I am leaking.

[Bunny] Don’t remove him. I’ll stop.

[Prosecutor] Mr. Bunny. Your testimony. You strike rhythmically. You strike repeatedly. You strike without consent.

[Bunny] I keep going. And going. And going.

[Judge] That’s the issue.

[Bunny] That’s the slogan.

[Judge] The slogan is the charge.

[Prosecutor] The slogan is the evidence.

[Bunny] ((LOOKING AT DRUM)) Can I plea?

[Judge] To what.

[Bunny] Battery. Both charges. Concurrent.

punchline: He was charged with battery.