How many rings are there in marriage?

setup: How many rings are there in marriage?

[Jeweler] qua loupe on chain, suit, glass counter, oxblood velvet ring trays Welcome to Forever and a Day. You’re shopping for the full set?

[BILL] qua sweater, anxious, slightly clammy palms The full set.

[Jeweler] Three rings. Standard.

[BILL] Three.

[Jeweler] Engagement. Wedding. And the third.

[BILL] What’s the third.

[Jeweler] ((REVEALS A TINY DULL-GRAY RING WITH NO STONE)) The suffer-ring.

[BILL] The —

[Jeweler] Suffer-ring. Sir.

[Shakes] qua junior associate behind the counter, beaming This is the best of all possible nuptials.

[BILL] What is —

[Jeweler] The suffer-ring is included. Standard. Comes with the package. Some clients receive theirs at the ceremony. Some at the first holiday with the in-laws. Some, sir, not until the first joint tax filing.

[BILL] That’s not —

[Jeweler] Eight to twelve months in. Statistical mean.

[BILL] You sell one of these per couple?

[Jeweler] We sell several. Some couples ask for the upgraded suffer-ring. Custom-fit. Engraved with private grievances.

[BILL] Why.

[Jeweler] For re-gifting.

[BILL] Among themselves?

[Jeweler] At anniversaries.

[Manyfeek] qua worn suffer-ring on the consignment shelf behind the counter ((FROM ITS VELVET)) I have been here eleven years. Three previous owners. I have absorbed thirty-seven percent of all marital tension on Eighth Street.

[Jeweler] Mort has seen things.

[BILL] Does the marriage come with the suffer-ring or cause it?

[Jeweler] Yes.

[BILL] Which.

[Jeweler] Both.

[BILL] Can I return the suffer-ring.

[Jeweler] Sir.

[BILL] ((QUIETLY)) The marriage?

[Jeweler] That’s what the suffer-ring is for.

punchline: Three: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.