Portage La Prairie

Ch_003_000: Portage la Prairie, Manitoba

I run out of the darkness to Portage la Prairie, Manitoba. There is nothing here but the World’s Largest Coca-Cola can, which is a grain silo with an ad painted on it. Much like large things everywhere, this is a tourist draw and a local eyesore for Portage la Prairie.

Portage la Prairie has the most beautiful name that means “take your canoe over this land to something better,” I find myself thinking. I think something rude back and hope that Mastereye blinks. I spin around and try to find something compelling near a grain silo.

“Hi Everybody! Welcome to Portage la Prairie, Manitoba. This is the largest Coca-Cola Can! But this surely can’t be why, I, the Littlest Hobo, am here!”

-36EB

Maybe something will happen … and finally I see a small dog across the street. It looks both ways and walks to the other side. Suddenly, a car slams on its brakes and hits the small dog. Its body flies a few feet.

The car stops and a dog with deep blue eyes looks at the body. He sees me and ignores me when I yell, “Hey! You just hit that puppy! Is it OK! You should get help!”

The dog ignores me as if I’m yapping nonsense. He gets into his car and leaves, but I manage to catch the license plate number. The puppy’s body remains on the road.

+36EB

I run over and see the puppy. It’s bleeding from its wounds. I carefully pick up the body and run. There’s a nearby building and I burst into the establishment. I see a young puppy’s face on the wall with red lettering I don’t understand. The puppy on the sign has red hair and pigtails.

Multiple dogs are in here and one barks at me, ||What is this?! A human with a child?! What is wrong with the child?|| as it runs up.

The dogs take care of the puppy and I feel Mastereye’s mind invade my own: “Bring the hit and run driver to justice.”

+42EB

I yell to the air, “WHAT!? I’m just a human and the only being here to bring this dog to justice is ME?! What is wrong with Canada? Are the Mounties underfunded?!” The air has no answer, and then I see it. The car that hit the boy is parked across the street in front of a bar.

I walk across the street carefully so as not to be creamed by a road hypnotized dog. The bar’s entrance reads “Lamplighters” but the interior is almost unlit. A few well-placed neon signs from the nearby brewery provide the only light. The blue-eyed dog is sitting on a stool nursing something brown.

I walk up to the dog and say, “Dude! You need to come with me. That puppy you ran over does not look good. I mean, are you at least going to report this?”

-12EB

The dog looks at me and says nothing more than ||This thing again? What is wrong with it?||

“What is wrong with me?! I am not the person who hit a kid and left the scene?!” I yell.

The bartendog comes over and asks, ||Is this your human? We do not allow humans unless it’s a service human?||

“He’s lacking any kind of morality, bartendog. So, I am his morality support person, I guess,” I say to the newer dog. The bartendog looks angry and reaches under the bar.

+21EB

The dog smacks me with a rolled-up newspaper and I run over to the corner. The bartendog asks the blue-eyed driving menace again, ||Is that your human? I’ll need to take it outside. The health department will have a fit if they catch him inside.||

Blue-eyes responds, ||Not my human. Do what you want.||

+35EB

I yell back to the talking dogs, “Ask blue eyes if he’s feeling any remorse!”

-12EB

The bartendog chases me outside. I wait by the door. I wait. -9EB “Damn it,” I say. I can’t just sit here and be boring. I need to do something dramatic.

I run back across the street and several policedogs are now with the puppy. The dogs start pointing at me as I approach.

One dog with an apron on notes, ||That’s him. That’s the human who brought in the injured puppy!||

+13EB

I point towards the bar across the street and say, “Just in time, policedogs! The idiot who ran the puppy over is in the bar over there!”

The dogs look and one lead policedog says, ||I think he’s trying to tell us something?||

I sigh, I stamp my feet and point several times at the bar. The two dogs watch me with curiosity, ||I think he wants to tell us something about the bar?||

I turn in three circles and cross the road. The two policedogs watch me from across the road. “Man, it’s a wonder that anything gets done around here!” and I point at the bar from the other side of the road again.

The partner policedog says, ||I think we should follow him.||

+46EB

“You DON’T SAY! What tipped you off, Sherlock!” I yell as the two dogs start walking across the road.

||What is it, boy? What’s the problem?|| says the lead dog.

“My problem is this language issue for sure, but for now, go in there and arrest that man at the bar.” I try without any good effect.

I point at the door and then scratch at the door. The partner dog says ||He wants us to go inside?||

+23EB

“This one is brilliant! Yes, policedog! Follow me inside! For crying out loud…” I say as the two dogs finally open the door.

I see that my gains have left a nearby container without any eyeballs. I see a fairy with a dental appliance pounding on the wall and screaming, “It’s just about to get good!” The shipping container overturns and the countless bodies stream in a rainbow of screams into the unknown.

I stare in horror. The dogs push me into the bar.

-18EB

The blue-eyed dog’s eyes widen at the sight of two policedogs in the doorway. I am having problems speaking and just stare at the perpetrator.

||Good evening. Sorry to bother you all, but there’s been a horrible accident outside. A puppy was hit and the driver has run away without stopping. This is a crime — even in Canada.|| says the lead dog to the bartendog and his criminal client.

The bartendog is relaxed but the blue-eyed dog starts to pant heavily. He says, ||So? We didn’t hear or see it in here.||

||Well, yeah, that sounds right, but this human here seems to think something or maybe, someone, in here is responsible.|| says the lead dog and the blue-eyed dog stands up from his stool.

+24EB

The bartendog shies away as the tension in the room increases.

||You know, now that you mention it, I do remember a sound,|| says the perpetrator. ||HEY! WHAT’S THAT OVER THERE!|| yells the dog and he points over the policedogs’ shoulders. The two policedogs turn to look at what the other dog is pointing at.

“Oh for crying out loud you two, he’s going to run!” I say and start running at the perpetrator.

The perpetrator runs out the backdoor while the two policedogs are looking over their shoulder. The bartendog barks ||Guys! He’s making a break for it!||

+38EB

The two dogs follow after me as I chase after the blue-eyed dog. After a bit of a footrace, I manage to tackle it and the two policedogs place pawcuffs on the blue-eyed dog.

+31EB

||If it wasn’t for the smallest hobo, we would have never found this man!|| says the partner while picking up the cuffed dog from the ground.

||He’s the best officer in the force if you ask me! HAHAHAHA!|| barks the second dog.

+34EB

||We could use a good Hum9 unit in Portage. There’s always someone trying to smuggle a canoe over the province lines without paying their syrup tax.|| says the lead dog. I notice the lead dog and clock his intent immediately.

||I don’t want it. Take him.|| says the bartendog.

+36EB

The lead dog starts over to me and I can feel Mastereye’s command, “Brilliant job! Our share just dominated our competition. Keep it up and get to Kenora.”

I wait until the lead dog gets close and duck under its paw. I race out the front door towards what Mastereye promises is Kenora. I hope I get some sleep soon…

+22EB