Analysis

TARS sat next to Bob, who was fully clad in a yellow PPE space suit, while Backik, the donkey lab tech, set up the testing equipment.

“Eeee-yonk! Eeee-yonk! I think the sample is secure in the spectral analysis chamber,” said the hairy scientist. Donkeys and other animals with kick related issues like Cassowaries and Horses, of course, were always excellent scientists. A good solid kick would get someone’s attention fast.

TARS was generally unprotected as there was no reason to believe the liquid could harm glass. He asked, “Are you sure the protective coating isn’t going to affect the scan?”

“Eeee-yonk! Eeee-yonk! What protective coating?,” said distressed Backik. He had some nice oats and his family at home. He didn’t like the donkey related snacks in the VDIC center. Only a carrot looking pressed hay thing that he thought may have ground up anti-death in it? He preferred organic like just hay or oats in a bag. Those were already gone but the knitter was restocking. Even with infinite resources, you can’t keep up with hungry donkey scientists working to help humanity get better.

Bob started to talk and Backik managed a donkey sigh, “Backik, this is a bottle. It is made of plastic. I haven’t studied plastic but BobG tells me it is a polymer made from dead dinosaurs and recycled dead dinosaurs if you’re fortunate.”

TARS cocked his head as this was not the expected response from Bob. Sheit asked, “Uh. BobG do you have any details? People hunted dinosaurs for plastic?”

BobG gently corrected and offered, “Bob’s belief is common in old literature. Petroleum, plastics, and any number of substances created in the past were roughly extracted from known limited resource holes in the ground or even, in Backik’s history, the fauna.”

“Eeee-yonk! My folks were never made into adhesives. We went into the holes and brought up ancient rocks made from long dead vegetation. It burned well and helped the world get both better and much worse at the same time,” said Backik as he adjusted his scanner.

BobG continued, “So, no, people as we understand them and dinosaurs as people tend to think of them existed in distinct ages. Dinosaurs and then people. The opposite pattern would be an excellent speculative fiction book that Bob might enjoy to read. Would you, Bob? I could write it up for later?”

Bob was excited by this idea and told BobG to use his time on it. He always loved custom media from BobG’s imagination. Generally, everyone could or may share their base “substrate” of a great idea or pre-existing one to use for glass based expansions. BobG had a bunch that he could calibrate against the new inputs.

Bob then offered this to TARS, “So, no wild dinosaur hunts for coke bottles unfortunately. The 1980’s looked fun but that would have been much, much better. The dinosaurs were only a generally known fact except to some folks who confused the notion of ‘Theory’ and ‘Hypothesis’. This was an often specious argument formed somewhat like ‘Evolution is just a theory and not fact.’ The fact that this sentence would be posted by technology solely described in terms of the same level of knowledge was considered to be ‘rude’ or ‘not respectful to others’ point of view’. This leads to people considering un-true things to be important to hold as true, otherwise, what TARS? What would happen if the un-true thing is actually un-true? What happens to those who need it to be true in face of the flying reality of the opposite?”

Backik noted somewhat impatiently, “Yeee-onk! Bob, how do you even get out of the shower each morning? My lord…”

TARS thought for a moment and then the answer was clear, “Those people need the un-true thing to be true because otherwise someone could be called wrong and that was life-threatening.”

Bob said, “Bingo.” and then the dog ran into the room.

Bingo said, “Yes, Bob. It is I. B-I-N-G-O. I see. Bob is awesome. Bob. Tail wags. Bingo ask if View is coming over later for post-prandial face gnawing session?”

Bob told Bingo, “Yes, View can come home for dinner tonight, but you must invite all the dogs from the courtroom, ok?”

Bingo negotiated, “Even Crew? Poopy mouth. Crew.”

Bob honked his dog’s nose gently, “Crew is merle. He can’t help it.”

Bingo brightened, “OK. Synergying Crew is on the invite list. Bingo go. Bingo send out to distro now.”

BingoG offered, “Bingo says, ‘LETS FACE GNAW’ –> Bingo challenges View, the masterful but seriously vertically challenged to a formal Face Gnaw. View’s honor now demands a response if View should want to remain, as we all say, a true dog of honor. I expect seconds. And to the Merle in the party, a limited synergy here or there will not offend the mighty bone that hover overeth us all, but please don’t say it so much that the fiery one from the basement is summoned solely from the venal enjoyment of your verbal filth.

“Signed, B-I-N-G-O

“to: View cc: Stu, Boo, and the Merle.”

Bingo spun in circles and said, “The party is on! Bob is awesome. Bye.”

Backik said, “For all that, YEEE YONKS!, can we just get this done. OK. I’ll adjust the result for possible dinosaurs or whatever. It’s not that hard. YEEEE YONKS! Man, I need a break.”

Bob apologized to Backik and said, “Please go ahead and run the scan. Sorry to keep you.”

The donkey accepted the apology and YEEE YONKED into his voice control to get the machinery going. The scan took a second and the donkey said, “Well, yep. Sugar for sure, but there’s an extra kick and, no, this is not a donkey metaphor.”

Backik took a deep donkey breath, “the kick of New Coke is the addition of Cocaine in the formula.” The augustly hirsute scientist said, “I stand with my hairy, and fastidious findings. This is not unclear at all to me at least and supported by your direct observations, but please confirm with any other mammal or reptile as you wish.”

Backik left to go home and eat. All this dinner talk was making him hungry and he didn’t want Bob to invite him over. He just needed some oats and a standing 5 hour sleep.

Bob said, “Oh, this is simply a major additional SI level. Let’s break his privacy and tell me where New Coke is right now. Tell Salote to get the court’s approval …”