The Deposition

i am fifty seven years old and sitting at a deposition.

i see my lawyer sitting next to me and the opposing counsel and client on the other side. we are scowling at each other which is the polite thing to do in this situation.

[Johnnie Cochran, legendary lawyer, undead] talking normally into a recording device. Would you say your name for the record, sir?

[BILL] practiced Bill. B-I-L-L

[Johnnie Cochran, legendary lawyer, undead] Thank you, BILL. Is it fair to say that you’ve been “writing” lately?

[BILL] leaning into mic. practiced Yes, it is fair to say that.

[Johnnie Cochran, legendary lawyer, undead] a bit faster Is it ALSO fair to say that you’ve been “writing” music lately?

[BILL] leaning into mic. not practiced. improvising. Uh, define “writing music”, please?

[Johnnie Cochran, legendary lawyer, undead] annoyed The process of writing a song down as lyrics. WRITING MUSIC. Is it ALSO fair to say that you’ve been writing song lyrics as a musical motif in your writings lately?

[Bobby Shakes, esq.] forcefully OBJECTION! Being an asshole to the witness!

[Lionel Richie, ex-Commodore, very much living and an icon of joy worldwide] staring at [BILL] and getting up from his chair. Just answer the ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: question before I bust you upside the head. I have some maracas right here and I’ll just CRACK them over your…

[Bobby Shakes, esq.] Johnnie. Get control of your client!

[Johnnie Cochran, legendary lawyer, undead] pushing [Lionel] down with a rotting fist covered by a single mismatched glove. Stay cool. Stay cool. I got this.

[Johnnie Cochran, legendary lawyer, undead] towards [BILL] Mr. Bill, have you written, in any of your works, text that takes the form of song lyrics?

[BILL] leaning again but nervous Yes.

[Johnnie Cochran, legendary lawyer, undead] towards [BILL] Mr. Bill, please review exhibit A, a red paperback authored under the title “metabill”. Is this your work?

[BILL] leaning again but nervous and picking up fat red paperback Yes.

[Johnnie Cochran, legendary lawyer, undead] towards [BILL] and guiding him Mr. Bill, please open your copy of “metabill” to page 143 and find the 12th line and read what that says, please?

[BILL] opens book and reads and sings acapella ((music note)) All Book Long (all book) ((music note))

((MUSIC FADES IN. All Book Long. Music by someone that is not BILL and deserves all the credit in the world)) [Lionel Richie, ex-Commodore, very much living and an icon of joy worldwide] hears [BILL] and smiles.

[Lionel Richie, ex-Commodore, very much living and an icon of joy worldwide] jumps on conference table. singing. ((RIPS OFF BUSINESS SUIT. SHOWS LIQUID BLACK OUTFIT AND RED BANDANNA OVER FOREHEAD)) ((music note)) ALL BOOK LONG! Oh yeah! ALL BOOK LONG! yeah!

[Cochran] with trombone interjects. sliding with the gloved fist. BRANNNA NAT NANNA NAT NAT BRANNA NAT NAT BRANNA NAT NAT

[BILL] joining after. ((RIPS OFF BUSINESS SUIT. SHOWS BOXER BRIEFS AND T-SHIRT LEFT.)) ALL BOOK LONG! Oh yeah!

[Shakes esq] joining last watching [BILL] and grimacing slightly ((THROWS AWAY BRIEFCASE AND TOSSES SPECTACLES. DOES NOT FOLLOW [BILL]’s LEAD ON CLOTHES RIP)) ALL BOOK LONG! Oh yeah!

[Lionel Richie, ex-Commodore, very much living and an icon of joy worldwide] singing face to face with [BILL] There’s MUSIC in the pages, all book long!

[BILL and Shakes] side by side with Lionel providing back up and dancing We’re reading in the streets ALL-BOOK-LONG!

[Cochran] with trombone sliding with the gloved fist. BRANNNA NAT NANNA NAT NAT BRANNA NAT NAT BRANNA NAT NAT

[Lionel Richie, ex-Commodore, very much living and an icon of joy worldwide] singing with [Shakes] OOOOH. YEAH! We’re reading in the streets, we’re dancing in the streets ALL-BOOK-LONG!

[BILL and Shakes] side by side with Lionel providing back up and dancing ((Doing that thing where you spin your hands around or something)) all book! all book!

… and we fade away from this once miserable, now correct room…