Three Sandboxes

i am five and playing in a sandbox near two other children playing in nearby sandboxes.

i see two men. Two paragons of man-NESS. In one hand, i have GI Joe and this is a true GI Joe. Eight inches of pure american steel writ in beige plastic. His wiry hair is a perfect balaclava of manly virtue evenly expressed under and around his piercing blue eyes and framing his square, american jaw.

In the other, i have Big Jim. Larger, softer and kinder. His simple Bigness cannot hide the leathery core of his midwestern heart.

Both men tend to a dying campfire in front of a campervan that seems dangerous to be near fire, but both men are thinking of something else.

[Big Jim] hat over eyes. looking at the fire. Joe?

[GI Joe] kicks sand into the fire and spills the manly collection of cooking utensils and pottery. The collection of M-16’s falls to the ground.

[GI Joe] runs back to the van.

[Big Jim] follows.

[GI Joe] tensing as [Big Jim] kung fu grips him from behind.

[Big Jim] Stop, Joe.

[GI Joe] intensely You know I can’t go back. Not after the campervan.

[Big Jim] attempts to flip his hair back, but since it’s part of his skull, only yanks his head up and back We will always have the campervan. Jo-

[FATHER] yelling BILL! ARE YOU PLAYING WITH DOLLS AGAIN!

[BILL] with two manly men in each fist DAD! THEY’RE ACTIONNN FIGURES!!!

[Malibu Stacy] arriving from nowhere and univited Hey! What are you guys doing in the van?

[Big Jim] grabbing one arm and one leg of [Malibu Stacy] and starts a hammer throw rotation with her body I’ve said it AGAIN and AGAIN, NO…

[Big Jim] rotations gaining speed and releasing hammer style … MORE DAMES!!

… and the [Malibu Stacy] pinwheels in a high arching arc towards another sandbox…

[Malibu Stacy] off to the distance Byyyyyyyyyyye

[SNAKE GUY] qua the seed of greatness, watching in awe at the descending doll That must be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

[SNAKE GUY] qua the seed of greatness, thinks hard for a zeptosecond I can take what I have just learned and make it mine.

[BROWN SNAKE OF DESTINY] arriving exactly when was foretold in snake lore passed down snake to egg, egg to wormy thing, wormy thing to snake Ssssssssssssnake guysssss!

[SNAKE GUY] qua the seed of greatness Snake of Destiny! How do you know my name!

[BROWN SNAKE OF DESTINY] fullfiling his promise to snakekind everywhere; recites from oral snake tradition Ssssssssssssss-sou are on sssshuh ssss-lips-sss of sss-all that besssliveve. ssssssnake guy. ssssssfullffssss yourrsssss ddesssstinssssnty.

[SNAKE GUY] qua the seed of greatness, thinks hard for a zeptosecond I know what must be done. Snake of Destiny. Prepare for your fate!

[SNAKE GUY] reaches for [BROWN SNAKE OF DESTINY] by the head. [BROWN SNAKE OF DESTINY] snaps at [SNAKE GUY] who reaches back.

[SNAKE GUY] qua the seed of greatness, thinks hard for a zeptosecond THIS CANNOT BE DENIED. FATE DEMANDS MY PURPOSE!

[BROWN SNAKE OF DESTINY] Don’t be sssweirds sa about it.

[BROWN SNAKE OF DESTINY] offers a coil to [SNAKE GUY] [SNAKE GUY] spins grabs [BROWN SNAKE OF DESTINY] and HUCKS! in an effortless spinning, head over heel arc towards another sandbox.

[BROWN SNAKE] sailing away. Ssssssssssuperman!!!

[SNAKE GUY] qua greatness accepted This. This “HUCK”. This feels right. This is the way. The way of the SNAKE HUCKOLGIST. I must prepare my dojo.

[SNAKE GUY] qua greatness achieved, raises fist in the air ((LIGHTNING BOLT STRIKES FIST)) ((SOUND FX: SHICKWOW!))

[SNAKE GUY] is gone. Only the smoke trail out of the sandbox to the horizon remain floating in the air.

[BROWN SNAKE] sailing from the ur-huck, lands in another child’s sandbox a bit away…

[TODDLER SHAKES] surprised with what arrived, is running towards [BROWN SNAKE] giggling… This is the best of all possible surprises!

[BROWN SNAKE] sssssss yessssss, but fsooor smeeee…

[BROWN SNAKE] opens his jaws, and swallows [TODDLER SHAKES] whole. Yum.