The Garden
i am 57 and taking a shower. the smell of Lesley’s fruit extravaganza shampoos and bottles waft upwards.
A song starts to softly play. i see my feet tapping.
BILL humming slightly. eyes closed with water draining over his head. All book…
BILL eyes widen. All book long!
((All Book Long! Music and lyrics mainly from someone else who deserves all the credit in the world starts up)) ((LOUD MUSIC STARTS NOW))
((BILL slides out of the shower fully dressed in a yellow silk outfit. sleeves are a rainbow of ruffles. his head framed in ripe, smelly fruit ))
(([BOOTS] hits the drum kit.))
BILL singing with the pulsing rhythm only found in a tired data engineer with a family, two kids and a mortgage. ▎ Da Da, ooooh ▎ Well, my friends, the time has come ▎ To end the book and have some fun ▎ Throw away the work to be done ▎ Let the reading play on
[GAMS] with beat box. (play on, play on, play on…)
((BILL walking through bathroom door towards us. The entire room pulls apart and we’re in a beautiful garden)) (([Lesley] waves at BILL smiles and runs ahead)) ((BILL smiles and waves back))
BILL still singing. still as great? as his singing tends to be… ▎ Da Da, ooooh ▎ Well, my friends, the time has come ▎ To end the book and have some fun ▎ Throw away the work to be done ▎ Let the reading play on
[GAMS] with beat box. (play on, play on, play on…)
((BILL opening gate))
BILL still singing. losing his voice slightly ▎ Everybody read, everybody dance ▎ Lose yourself in wild romance ▎ We’re going to Party, Eat Stuff, Dinos, forever ▎ Come on and read along!
((MUSIC NOTES. BILL walking forward meeting cast members))
((BILL gives [Hastur] a low five and points fingers guns at him! [Hastur] ribs BILL gently with his clawed hands))
(([Dr. Clamcheese] hands BILL a dino mini burrito. BILL eats whole with a smile))
((BILL tosses [UX Developer] into the air. Wheeee!))
(([SELFSTARTER] spinning so his head flap becomes a mohawk!))
((BILL does a Jean-Claude-VanDamme split mid-stride and pops back up. Spins!))
BILL still singing. voice normally would be dead now, but this is magic! ▎ People reading all in the street ▎ See the rhythm all in their feet ▎ Life is good, wild and sweet ▎ Let the reading play on…
[GAMS] with beat box. (play on, play on, play on…)
(([KayCEE] is dancing with 2, 4 and 8! BILL joins briefly!))
(([TurboPowerPandora] pets [∀ction¡] who purrs affectionately! BILL scratches the ∀ on the side))
(([BullsheetoBot600] and [Theodore H.C.] are adding fertilizer to the flower beds!))
BILL voice now replaced by Jim Nabors; now deep and coming from the center of his body. ▎ Feel it in your heart and feel it in your soul ▎ Let the pages take control
(([GaiaGoddess] and [Maurice Chevalier] are hugging! BILL hugs both together.))
(([DickJHones3db] makes [ED-209] a daisy chain. [ED-209] turns away blushing.))
(([Coachman] has a FaceTime with [Winkie Tech Lead] and is feeding a happy donkey!))
[MUSIC HITS CHORUS] BILL crescendo: ▎ ALL BOOK LONG!
[Manyfeek] popping in as needed for this part (all book)
BILL hips try to swivel, but it really doesn’t work well: ▎ oooh ▎ All book long (all book), yeaz, (all book) ▎ All book long (all book), yeah, (all book) ▎ All book long (all book)…(all book)
(([Calm Convict] and [ALL CONVICTS] wearing powerdomes and pogoing. BILL tries a bit as well and then gives [Clyde] a high five))
(([Moe, Larry, Curly] sitting at a picnic and sharing food! BILL is always hungry but just passes by with a smile))
(([DarthLowUnitCosts] force feeds BILL a cake slice. he takes a bite as it floats by))
▎ Come join the fun, it’s a merry-go-round ▎ Everyone’s reading their troubles away ▎ Come join our book party, See how we play! ▎ Come on! Come on! (echoes)
(([SNAKE GUY], [GI JOE], [BIG JIM], [Malibu Stacy] chasing each other in a playground nearby! BILL starts to play with [BIG JIM] and [BIG JIM] is polite but asks to be put back down. BILL does and smiles))
(([BROWN SNAKE OF DESTINY] sits in the corner of the playground and is eating tofu human with a smile))
(([PancakeClient] is overjoyed with a stack of really tall pancakes in front of him))
[Johnnie Cochran, undead] plays the trombone and slides with the rotting glove hand BRANNA-NANA-NA-NA. BRANNA-NANA-NA-NAT-NA-NAT
BILL doing a Caribbean beat with Jim Nabors voice: ▎ Come on! ▎ Tam bo li de say de moi ya ▎ Hey ::OBSCENITY REDACTED::
(([Manyfeek] starts to breakdance))
(([Cast] clapping around [Manyfeek] in circle))
BILL ▎ Way to parti o we goin’ ▎ Oh, jambali ▎ Tam bo li de say de moi ya ▎ Yeah ::OBSCENITY REDACTED::
(([Manyfeek] spinning on head))
BILL ▎ Oh, O, O, O, yes ▎ We’re going to have a party! (Yeah… ugh)
(([Manyfeek] runs back to Chorus duty behind BILL))
BILL now really hitting it hard. leg stomping, hands moving. it’s generally ok: ▎ All book long (all book), All book, (all book) ▎ All book long (all book), All book, (all book) ▎ All book long (all book), All book, (all book) ▎ All book long (all book)…
(([Tiger Team] all members ready in costume. [Benjamin Franklin] has a full yellow suit and glowing eyes. They pose and disappear in FLASH!))
(([DonnyDistilloDome420] is growing a very strange green plant with sticky buds under a heat lamp!))
((A collection of zombies do the THRILLER dance off to the left))
BILL bringing it all home. just the way you thought he might when this all started? ▎ Everyone you meet (all book) ▎ They’re jamming in the street (all book) ▎ All book long! (All book) ▎ Everyone you meet (all book) ▎ They’re jamming in the street (all book) ▎ All book long! (All book) ▎ Everybody come on! ▎ Feel good! Feel good! ▎ Come on! ▎ Come on! ▎ Read about here, everybody! ▎ All book long (all book), All book, (all book) ▎ All book long (all book), All book, (all book) ▎ Come on now ▎ All book long (all book), All book, (all book)
(([Entire Cast] behind BILL dancing))
((BILL finds [Lesley] on an oak patio and there’s waffles waiting on a table))
((BILL smiles at [Lesley]. Pours some syrup. Takes a bite!)) YUM!
((MUSIC FADES AND STOPS))
BILL breathing heavily. sweating and daubing. waiting. Wow. Great take everybody. I don’t think I could do that again.
((A motor is heard and squeaky wheels))
BILL looks to his left. eyes to full silver dollar. WATCH OUT!
[Bobby Shakes] on uncontrolled tractor. hands waving in warning and joy. THIS IS THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE ENDINGS!!
((… and we dive out of his way. THE END.))