Turbo Power Pandora 10k

i am in my thirties and sitting in a conference room with all of my peers from around the globe.

We are all gathered together to experience a rebranding of our media company named Action Media Services. Action Media Services needed a new name as the existing name was simply insufficient as you can see by simply reading it. Action Media Services. I mean, right? We need like Dinotastic Robot Rate Reduction Warriors or Super Crazy Ninja Planning Death Squad or something truly memorable.

i am excited to have flown some six or seven or ten hours, if you think about the homeward bit; sorry, i am excited to be here to see what the Action Media Services leadership has picked. i’m pretty sure it’ll be Dinotastic Robot Rate Reduction Warriors because the cool initialization DRoRaReW Oh So So DRoRaReW (so kewl) and the logo opportunities, they speak for themselves.

the room is large and more of a small amphitheater. there is a large curtain at one end and the seats are in rows. the hushed buzz of the room murmurs as people from half around the world meet for the first time.

[Manyfeek] sees [BILL] and sits next to him in the conference

[Manyfeek] whispering as sitting What up ::OBSCENITY REDACTED::. Working hard or hardly working, my man!

[Manyfeek] and [BILL] manipulate hands. [BILL]’s hand hurts a bit.

((LIGHTS DIM AND CROWD QUIETS IN ANTICIPATION)) ((TurboPowerPandora10k, an android slides from rear, approaches the curtain, and turns to face the audience))

[TurboPowerPandora10k] beaming Hello, EVERYONE!

[TurboPowerPandora10k] beaming Today, I am proud to show you our new identity at Action Media Services. After $10,000,000 in consultancy fees, travel, deck building - both PPTX and Oak, of course - caviar, motorcade services, armor piercing rounds, bribes for the purchase of armor piercing rounds, piercing all round for our amor ((PFFT-OWW!)) - you know, the very minimum needed for a renaming.

[TurboPowerPandora10k] taking a breath. pausing Here to present the results I give you [ShakesTheHumanSacrifice]!

[ShakesTheHumanSacrifice] walking up nervously, looking back and forth. talking softly. Hello

[ShakesTheHumanSacrifice] looking downward. somewhat ashamed. softly. many straw men died in the mighty fires of brainstorms unceasing. the quest for meaning kept us driving forward to the inevitable.

((CURTAIN DROPS. A WILD JUNGLE IS EXPOSED. TWO PILLARS STAND WITH VINES AWAITING. AWAITING. SOMEONE)) ((the oak decks that the pillars sit on, admittedly, are very well made))

((SKULL ISLAND DRUM BEAT STARTS)) [ShakesTheHumanSacrifice] moving as hypnotized? towards the pillar.

((SKULL ISLAND DRUM BEAT SOUNDS LOUDER!)) [ShakesTheHumanSacrifice] puts arms through vines.

((SKULL ISLAND DRUM BEAT STOPS!)) ((and. we wait.)) . . .

[∀ction¡] the hideous typography bellows as it appears suddenly from the jungle!! ROOOOOOAR!

[BILL] leaps up. disgusted and pointing. What foul beast is this?!

[KayCEE] holding stomach and mouth. attempting not to retch. Is the ∀ the FACE?!

[MediaPlanner] with RIFLE from Spain ¡Olviden el frente — miren la cola! ¡¿QUÉ LE HAN HECHO A NUESTRO SIGNO DE EXCLAMACIÓN?! ((SUBTITLE: Free our punctuation from this typographical monster!))

[∀ction¡] turning to [ShakesTheHumanSacrifice] and heading towards him ROOOOOOAR!

[Manyfeek] ::OBSCENITY REDACTED::, let’s get [Shakes], everybody! Who has a movie camera? I need to get this on film!

((CROWD OF MEDIA PROFESSIONALS WITH POISONED ARBITRON BOOKS, GAS GRENADES AND EGGS LEFT OUT IN THE BREAK ROOM TOO LONG))

[BILL] pointing Let ’em have it, everybody!

((OPEN FIRE MONTAGE)) ((POW! POW! POW!POW!POW! POW!POW! POW!POW!))

[∀ction¡] getting pelted and flailing. gas bombs and rating books hitting the tittle in the i. ROOOOOOAR! ROOOOOOAR! ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!

[∀ction¡] slowly collapses….

[ShakesTheHumanSacrifice] unties himself. runs to [∀ction¡]’s body. looks up with tears in his eyes. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM!?!

(([ShakesTheHumanSacrifice] throws self over the lifeless [∀ction¡])) (([ShakesTheHumanSacrifice] starts to sob)) ((RUNNING NOISE))

(([Manyfeek] pushes up to the front of the crowd))

[Manyfeek] running up and stands on the o of [∀ction¡]’s still warm corpse. See here fellas? Twas beauty that killed the beastly logo.

((TRUMPET BLARE!)) ((THE END… and we fade to black.))