Devo

i am sixteen years old, with a cowboy hat with feathers on the front, driving a red car with an orangutan next to me.

i am hauling ass with my monkey friend and we have a sweet load to deliver. That’s right, I’ve got fifty pounds of industrial paint mixer in the back of my Firebird GTO. The bird on the hood makes us all very cool and we’re heading over the Golden Gate Bridge. The music is pounding and it’s a brilliantly sunny San Francisco summer day.

[CAR RADIO] Into shape! Shape it up! Get straight! Go forward! Move ahead! Try to detect it! It’s not too late!

[Clyde, an orangutan] mimicking a whip motion.

[BILL] You know it, Clyde. Let’s WHIP IT…

[BILL] steps on the gas and the car vrooms faster.

((… fade cut))

[BILL] is turning off the freeway on a sign that says “San Quentin Prison”

[CAR RADIO] When a problem comes along

[Clyde] mimicking whip.

[CAR RADIO] you must whip it!

[BILL] drives up to a guarded gate and leans out, yelling I’m here with the paint mixer! I’ll just drop it here…

[ARMED MAN] Please step out of the car.

[BILL] concerned and leaving car. You asked for this mixer, yes?

[ARMED MAN] Please take off the hat. Your super cool friend can stay here with me. Put on this orange jumpsuit.

[BILL] dropping hat on table and handing Clyde’s hand to ARMED MAN. Ok?

[BILL] turning as putting on dayglo orange jumpsuit. Back of jumpsuit reads ::DO NOT SHOOT:: Like this?

[ARMED MAN] That’s fine. Here is a map. Look at it carefully. See the route I’ve written on here. You are not to deviate from this path as you drive to the paint plant.

[BILL] somewhat nonplussed Drive into the prison?

[ARMED MAN] as other ARMED MEN start using mirrors to look under the Firebird GTO Yes. Please pay attention. Inmates wear denim. You are not to give your dayglo outfit to anyone. You are not to allow anyone to “hitch a ride”. Are you ready to proceed? Please say “YES SIR” to confirm.

[BILL] pale and sweaty now sir, yes sir?

[ARMED MAN] Close enough. Please start to the paint plant now.

[RADIO] much quieter now Are we not men? We are D-E-V-O

[BILL] staring intensely at map with highlighted route. car inching along.

[BILL] slowly arrives in front of large open space. He stops on a large X on the ground and gets out of the car. Hands up with one hand holding paperwork that needs signing. Hello!

((Fifty well exercised men of various ages spill out of the paint plant. They are all wearing blue jeans. In fact, nobody is not wearing blue jeans. They are excited to see me?))

[GROUP OF CONVICTS] more excited by car than [BILL] HOLY SHEEEEET! LOOK AT THAT THING? IN MY DAY, WE WOULD BOOST … WOW THAT BRINGS BACK THE MEMORIES.

[Convict Shakes] This is the best of all vehicles to sell for parts? Are you interested, my man!

[Another Convict] loudly with crazy eyes. What’s it like on the outside, my man?! Just ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: with you, man! Heh heh.

[Calm Convict] listening to radio. Is that DEVO?

[Bill] sheepishly Yes?

[Calm, Now Excited Convict] Then you know what you need to do right?

[Bill] energy dome dropping on head from sky. Will you help me? [Calm Convict]

[Calm Convict, Now Excited Slightly Devolved] energy dome dropping on head from sky. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[Bill, Now Devolved] jumps on hood of car. He rips off a segment of the jumpsuit to reveal DEVO spelled out in black masking tape. [Calm Convict, Devolved] Glasses with black frames that he doesn’t need appear on his face. joins [Bill-1] on hood.

((Music is now BLASTING.))

(([Bill-1] and [Calm Convict-2] start their performance.))

[Bill-1] yelling! Asking insistently to a crowd. ARE WE NOT MEN!?

[CROWD TOGETHER] pogoing up and down. agreeing urgently. WE ARE DEVO!

[Calm Convict-2] mock angry and pointing! ARE WE NOT MEN!!

[CROWD TOGETHER] pogoing up and down harder and shouting louder than before. WE ARE D-E-V-O!

[Bill-1] with a different emphasis on the words again looking straight at us. ARE WE NOT MEN?

((… and Clyde, red energy dome on his head, whips the scene closed with a snap!))