Town Hall

i am in my thirties and sitting in an agency “Town Hall”.

i see most of my company sitting in rows in front of me and a BullsheetoBot600 named Larry is presenting. the company is moving from our current suite to an exciting new location and Larry is here to tell us all about it.

[Dr. Shakes] This will be the best of all possible moves.

[Larry] Welcome all to our quarterly “town hall”. I want to especially thank our call-in folks from the other side of the globe who are watching us in the middle of the night. Thanks guys for staying up!

[Larry] continues with a stunning powerpoint slide behind him As you all know, our lease is up here in the sewage plant and, although we’ve all had great times here, with the whole running up and down the pipes and trying to find the sewer gator, but we’re growing and need the space.

[Larry] slide moves to gorgeously rendered “9 FLOORS OF FUN!” When you get to the new space, just know that the first floor is a bit confusing, but stay focused and you’ll find the elevators in no time at all. Be careful of the bodies on the floor and don’t tri…

[MAN WITH PLAID SHIRT] stands Sorry. Just one question. Will we be given flashlights so we can at least see the bodies first?

[Larry] shielding eyes so he can see. Is that you PlaidShirtMan? Yes it is. Oh. We’ve actually gone ahead and placed day-glo tape down. Red for a body and green where you should look. The low hanging fog in the room makes flashlights pretty useless.

[PlaidShirtMan] sitting Thanks!

[Larry] slide moves to literally one of the greatest artworks mankind has created with “DISCO LEVEL!” written on it Did I say fun! The first level is all disco! Yes. Strip off your cares and just DANCE. The best dancer each day is given a tail smack from the glowing eyed judge in the corne…

[PlaidShirtMan] stands again Sorry. Another question. Will we be provided dance shoes and can I have a pad for the tail smack?

[Larry] slightly annoyed. Yep. PlaidShirtGuy. Shoes and pads for everyone. Now, as I was saying…

[PlaidShirtMan] sits as [Larry] continues

[Larry] slide moves to something that is so beautiful many of us start drooling uncontrollably with “CAFETERIA!” written on it. Next level up. Our cafeteria! It’s AYCE Korean BBQ! Meats and more meats! Pile it up high… and yes PlaidShirtMan?

[PlaidShirtMan] standing I’m allergic to meat.

[Larry] somewhat exasperated Can we parking lot that for now?

[PlaidShirtMan] glumly sits Ok.

[Larry] slide to a piece of art that changes all of our perspectives as to what art can attain in its highest form and says “FINANCE AND ENGINEERING” Our finance and engineering teams should get off on this floor. We’ve provided switchblades, nozzes, and various chains to help the teams collaborate. PlaidShirtGuy? Any problems?

[PlaidShirtMan] somewhat chastened No, I’m good.

[Larry] brightening. slide moves to art that captures the essence of what it is to be human, what it is to be alive, what it is to be a true artist and it’s labeled: “ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES” On the next level, our account teams should jump into the moving water and hold their… YES, PLAIDSHIRTGUY WE WILL GIVE OUT SNORKELS AAAAAAND FINS!

[PlaidShirtMan] meekly sits back down.

[Dr. Shakes] leaning over to [BILL] whispering. I was right!