Ejl Loss

i am in my early twenties in a dark conference room facing an angry troll.

i see Bobby Shakes and I taking our key client at EJL through an agency driven pitch. The agency wants to suggest a brand extension to our client and Bobby and I have been asked to convince the key stakeholder to participate. The pitch is in full swing and we’re about to wrap up and take questions.

[Bobby] excited So, as you can see, the market is dying for a new beverage at lunch.

[Bill] smoothly interjecting, practiced How many diet cokes can one person drink? A 100? Ha! Am I right or am I right? No, we all crave something both different and yet, right there in front of us all the time.

[Bobby] excited switching slides showing odd looking can And here it is! Pennzoil Arnold Palmer! It’s half ice tea!

[Bill] continuing … and half sweet lemonade!

[Bobby] beyond excited now. It’s a new taste sensation. It’s cool and refreshing. It’s a little naughty with the sugar! But it’s for you. You deserve a treat and well, Arnold Palmer is going to deliver it all! Sweet lemonade. Tart! Comforting ice tea. There for you. Put them together and you’ve got …

[Bill] continuing with full energy … an explosive combination!

[Bobby] finishing off So, EJL has laid out a full marketing plan for Pennzoil Arnold Palm…

[Arnold Palmer, Golf Legend and Undead] Let me stop you right here.

[Bobby] and [Bill] in mid pitch mode. looking concerned.

[Arnold Palmer, Golf Legend and Undead] Let me get this perfectly straight. You want to name a beverage after me. Ice tea and lemonade, right? Do I have that right?

[Bobby] and [Bill] nodding but concerned.

[Arnold Palmer, Golf Legend and Undead] So, ::OBSCENITY REDACTED::. You want me, the ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: best ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: GOLFER in like ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: YEARS to be named after ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: ICE TEA AND LEMONADE. Which one of ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: of the two of you thought this up? Which one?

[Bobby] and [Bill] frozen. [Manyfeek] quietly taking note and mumbling “great stuff..”

[Bobby] gamely This is the best of all possible brand extensions?