Brontobarn Dim Sum

i am eternally young, asian and female.

i am dressed in a red smock and looking at a smaller, more fragile young girl. A 10 foot high daikon radish wearing a fundoshi squeeks by us both slowly. i notice that we are both carefully hand drawn and precisely, perfectly rendered. Three small heads in the corner are piling on top of each other and say “Murupmp! Murumpt! Murpupt!; i kick them over and pay attention to the girl.

The small girl asks for help as she is frightened and lost.

[Shakes] qua Chihiro Where is the BrontoBarn dim sum house? I can’t seem to find it anywhere in this place? The kid with the bowl cut at the bridge had no clue.

[Bill] qua Lin What are you stupid! It’s fifteen floors up. I’ll take ya!

[Bill] grabs [Shakes] by the hand and they arrive in front of an elevator. A frog with a sushi jacket waits with us. The door opens.

[Bill] [Shakes] [Frog person] ride in silence until the elevator stops.

[Frog person] gets off on a floor with a pool filled with tadpoles eating the most deliciously looking stegosaurus spare ribs at a poolside bar. The elevator door closes.

The elevator ride continues for a bit more and then opens.

MAGICAL MUSIC STARTS. DUM DUM DUM dum dee dum (Joe Hisaishi. You do better, ok?)

[Shakes] eyes wide Ooooo oh!

The BrontoBarn dim sum house expands into view. There is just simply too much to describe. Carts going between patrons. Frogs and spidery guys are pushing carts. Steam and need is everywhere. The food. Good god, the food. It’s just too much to see with two eyes.

[Cart Hawker] pushing cart. yelling Hargowsaurus! Hargowsaurus!

[Cart Hawker] pushing cart. yelling Shumaiceratops! Shumaiceratops!

[Bill] pushes [Shakes] down and we both sit at a table. [Bill] is at the key position to intercept cart hawkers as they pass by the table.

[Cart Hawker] pushing cart. yelling Dragons feet! Dragons feet!

[Bill] motions to [Cart Hawker] One Dragons feet! Can you cut them?

[Cart Hawker] unspeaking. immediately opens a steamer. slams the food on the table. takes a pair of scissors. cleanly cuts the dragon feet into quarters. and stamps a card near Bill with a pre-inked stamp for just this need.

[Cart Hawker] leaves without further comment.

[Shakes] tasting dragons foot with disgusted expression THIS MUST BE THE BEST TASTING FOOD OF ALL TIME!

[Bill] Told ya!

[Dr. Clamcheese] sits down at the table. Ah. Dragons foot! First time? I remember my first dragon’s foot like it was yesterday. My mom went out. Killed a nice sized dragon. Stewed the feet all day. It was sooo tender. We try here, but it’s not exactly the same.

[Bill] They’re awesome Chees-a-rino! What else is on the menu!

[Shakes] eyes burrowing into Dr. Clamcheese. I NEED MORE.

[Dr. Clamcheese] looking back to [Shakes] with compassion I know. Let me help you.

[Dr. Clamcheese] snapping. BEGIN THE INITIATION!

((AN ORDERLY LINE OF SERVERS START A SMALL PARADE TOWARD THE TABLE))

[Waiter, Frog Wearing Tuxedo] serving ((music note)) A large melon is brought with lystrosaurus-flavored soup. The hawkers carve portions of winter melon into the sweetly scented broth is offered. The Godzilla carved into the melon’s flesh seems to rotate and wink at us. [Shakes] OHHHH. IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL!

[Waiter, Heron Wearing Evening Gown] serving ((music note)) A plate of carefully, only very lightly deep fried anomalocaris, with a slightly sweet mayonnaise glaze with candied walnuts is presented. [Shakes] OHHHH. SO TASTY! SO SUBTLE!

[Waiter, Shark Wearing Silk Kimono] ((music note)) A whole xiphactinus, only barely cooked with steam, with scallions and a light soy sauce is placed over the top is presented. [Shakes] OHHHH. SO SOFT AND MOIST!

[Kamaji, Wearing A Charro suit] pushes a cart with full natovenator polydontus arrives tableside. [Shakes] OHHHH. PERFECTLY ROASTED!

((music note)) [Kamaji, Wearing A Charro suit] not looking at anything, but working intensely carves the bird.

[Kamaji, Wearing A Charro suit] not fast, nor slow. his multiple arms wield multiple very sharp knives.

[Kamaji, Wearing A Charro suit] presents 108 perfectly carved slices of dino with crispy skin and tender dark meat. [Shakes] OHHHH. OHHHH. OHHHH.

((music note)) [Waiter, Boar Wearing A Sareee] drops off white fluffy buns, scallion ionic columns, and sweet, sweet, dark sauce.

[Shakes] making mini dino burrito OHHHH. OHHHH. OHHHH. I CAN’T WAIT TO TRY THIS!

[Shakes] chewing on burrito. face is complete and utter satisfaction.

((music note)) [Waiter, Camel with Thobe with Bisht over] drops off Three fossilized amber spheres carved to look like a dragon’s eye and the mosquito is left just bare.

[Shakes] Yum.