No Fucking Eye Deer

No Fucking Eye-Deer

I’m in my 30s in a Kinesso office talking to a group of people.

I’m standing with a group of people chatting after two hours of meetings. Someone is showing me the “Why do you want fries with that” and laughs. She only laughed a little, so I only chuckled. This joke is only very funny if the teller is way amused in order to get irony fugue going. Someone else is asking me to watch The Notebook as that person knows I like movies. I respond with “I only like movies with robots in them.” This is helpful when you’re sure you don’t want to see the movie or don’t want to hear about it anymore. The efficiency angle is that if there’s a movie you haven’t seen with a robot, well, there’s free information to be collected.

Suddenly, we hear something that chills. It’s SlapFace the head android. SlapFace’s face is on this time and you needed to be careful as if he hears anything he doesn’t like, all his facial features end up falling off onto the floor. In this case, he’s standing and, well, I’m poised because the eyeballs roll fast and there’s plenty of low desks.

SlapFace also has a pre-programmed ICEBREAKER subroutine that fired at most evening events. Leaders should help their employees bond. I’ll run the routine now for you…

------ICEBREAKER START UP------
::SET FACE TO MIRTH::

::WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEER WITH NO VISUAL INPUTS?::
INPUT? huh.
::NO ***EYE***-DEER. HAHAHAHAHAH::
UNDERSTAND? y
READY-TO-CONTINUE? y

::WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEER WITH NO VISUAL INPUTS OR REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS?::
INPUT? huh.
::NO ***FUCKING***EYE***-DEER. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH::

::SET FACE TO SELF SATISFIED::
------ICEBREAKER EXITING------

This is not a retreat. We are safe at home and there is no siege. So, he didn’t run it here. Instead, he is asking for inputs.

::MEETING? WELL EXECUTED?::

Bill: “I think so, SlapFace.”

::MY OPINION OF MEETING IF I HAD ACTUALLY BEEN THERE AND NOT OUTSIDE THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME?::

Shit. “No fucking EYE-DEER” and I make a break for the first eyeball…