Trash Pandas

i am in my forties, sitting in a meeting, with a very tall chef’s toque on.

i see our entire team of engineering leaders and quality testers, all with very tall chef’s toque on, getting ready for our daily We Hate Each Other and Bugs! meeting. i feel ShakesTheTrashPandoonie crawling on my head. he’s upset as I’ve recently shaved my head and his handles to control me are no longer there. most of the men in this group also have bald heads as well, we’re men and older and well, that tends to happen.

[BILL] talking So, who wants a piece of me, huh? My shit DOES NOT stink and I’ve no idea about any of you. So there.

[Manyfeek] qua QA lead. toque contents moving furiously ORLY! Your product has so many ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: bugs in it I could just throw away a large piece of Swiss right now.

[KayCEE] present just for the drama. toque contents moving furiously WE CANNOT THROW AWAY SWISS RIGHT NOW DAMMIT!

[BILL] confused Swiss? What are you two bozos talking…

[BILL] blinking hard as if being struck by a large raccoon on his head. toque jumping up and down. … I mean, YEAH NO SWISS LOSS THIS QUARTER. ABOUT DAMN TIME SOMEONE KEPT THE SWISS WELL GUARDED.

[Manyfeek] qua QA lead. toque contents moving furiously THEN DON’T MAKE ME.

[Manyfeek] qua QA lead. standing now next to trash. nice, fat wedge of holey, holy swiss in his hands FIX YOUR BUGS NOW OR THE SWISS GETS IT!

[KayCEE] frightened. calming toque contents moving furiously There’s no need to act like a two right now, Manyfeek. Be reasonable.

[GAMS] with toque on plate runs into room.

[BILL] heading off [GAMS] with a soccer ball [GAMS]! No need for HR here. Take this ball and wait outside.

[GAMS] with toque on plate does a bicycle kick and the ball shoots out of the room. [GAMS] races after.

[BILL] returning back to We Hate Each Other and Bugs! meeting Ok [Manyfeek]. I’ll fix the ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: bugs for you. There’s no need to threaten.

[Manyfeek] relieved and accidentally drops cheese. A large badger, viz. [BarneyBadgeroofie], flies out from underneath [Manyfeek’s] toque and runs off with the wedge. Sorry. What the ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: are we meeting about?

[BILL] has lines running down from his toque to the corners of his mouth. the lines yank his lips up and down. WE’RE TALKING ABOUT THE SWISS YOU JUST LOST! GET AFTER THAT BADGER!

[BILL]’s toque flies off and [ShakesTheTrashPandoonie] flies out the door after [BarneyBadgeroofie]. [KayCEE]’s toque flies off and [ChunkyChinhillarooso] flies after [ShakesTheTrashPandoonie]

[BILL] watches multiple rodents tackle [BarneyBadgeroofie]. The wedge changes hands many times.

[BILL] looking very confused and looks back to the meeting group I’m sorry. I’ve totally lost the thread here. Should we just break for lunch?

[KayCEE] shaking her head No. I’m on Atkins. Brought my own food today.

[BILL] looking at [Manyfeek] You?

[Manyfeek] You know it. I’m always down to eat. Mongolian barbecue? I’m ready to chow and I know all the tricks to get ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: stacks ’o meat. Let’s go!

[BILL] agrees. [Manyfeek] and [BILL] find [GAMS] in the hallway and walk to lunch together.