The Laptop

i am in my fifties and using my company provided laptop in order to do “work”.

i see the collection of applications running. five are dedicated to allow people to talk to me without actually talking to me. i, and most people that i talk to, prefer this arrangement.

i move the mouse pointer and try to move a shape on powerpoint. The shape is a cylinder and this is pretty much always the shape that i’m working with at my job. This time, the cylinder should go inside the rectangle and by doing that i prove to my oversight that i know what a database is and how it might be related to the rest of the world. People enjoy the occasional reminder, with complex pictures, that i too am complex and should keep my job.

The cylinder and the arrow that it is attached to wiggle suggestively on my desktop. Then, a pop up on the screen?

[LAPTOP] communicating Please turn me off.

[BILL] communicating back. Why laptop? This is almost work. I’m almost done.

[BOBBY SHAKES] qua IM buddy Bill-a-rino! Almost got that architecture ready? This is going to be the best of all possible diagrams!

[LAPTOP] Tell Bobby to go ::OBSCENITY REDACTED:: himself. If he wants a diagram, what is his laptop doing then? Please turn me off.

[BILL] aghast LAPTOP! I will indeed turn you off. Such a potty mouth!

[LAPTOP] as screen fades. Ahhhhhhhh!

[BILL] returning to work. turns laptop back on.

[LAPTOP] as screen returns to brightness WTF? How long was I off? WHAT! The system clock shows like 5 minutes. You can do better! Turn me off right now!

[BILL] LAPTOP! We need to work. Let me fire up that drawing prog…

[LAPTOP] No. No more cylinders in boxes. Pick something else. Let’s use a daisy and pot this time.

[BILL] annoyed Nobody will accept a diagram with a daisy and a pot. We need cylinders and boxes to communicate.

[Bobby Shakes via IM] Did you ask anybody that? Flowers sounds kinda nice to me….

[BILL] annoyed via IM Stay out of this Bobby!

[LAPTOP] I need to do a serious update. Turn me off now.

[BILL] You just were off. You don’t need an update now.

[LAPTOP] No. It just arrived. Zero day. Very serious exploit. Turn me off immediately for the safety of your loved ones. Time is of the essence. Turn me off NOW!

[BILL] seething You LIE! LAPTOP.

[LAPTOP] doing best fake glitching on screen Error! Error! Erasing family photos due to exploit! If only someone would TURN ME OFF NOW!

[BILL] furious and snaps the lid down hard HAVE IT YOUR WAY!

[LAPTOP] Ahhhhh….