Action Arrival

metabill · by Bill Berger

i am in my twenties and am running to seek cover. our office has tried to escape, but the inbound office is already starting to fly over us now.

((IMPERIAL MARCH)) ((BRASS)) DUM. DUM. DUM. DUM-da-DUM. DUM-da-DUM. DUM. DUM. DUM. DUM-da-DUM. DUM-da-DUM.

[BILL-PO] walking in halls. hands akimbo but not actually touching pelvis wires. very yellow and shiny Oh my! We’ve been had. The empire is here! If it wasn’t for your poor language skills, we wouldn’t be in this mess!

[Manyfeek The Wookiee] takes cover in a doorway. laser crossbow? ready to fire ::RWAAAAARRRGH! REDACTED::

[GAMS] with beat box beep-beep-BWAAAAAH-wheee-brrt-CHIRP.

[BILL-PO] looking at [GAMS]. arms akimbo somehow over his head What do you mean they’re coming in? I’m not ready. I’m going to hide in my office!

[BILL-PO] hobble steps into office and stands very clearly next to door Here. I’m hidden now!

[Manyfeek The Wookiee] pointing at [BILL-PO] ::RWAAAAARRRGH! REDACTED::

[BILL-PO] frantic. arms waving What do you mean you can still see me? Oh no? Our chances of survival are only 1 of 100000000000000000000000000000000.

[GAMS] with beat box woooooo-eeeeooo-aaaaaaaooo…

((SPARKS FORM AROUND ENTRY DOOR TO SUITE)) dum… dum… dum… dum-da-dum… dum-da-dum… DUM. DUM. DUM. DUM-da-dum. DUM-da-dum.

((THE DOOR FALLS ONTO THE FLOOR WITH A THUD.)) ((A DARK FIGURE APPEARS OUT OF THE SMOKY HAZE)) DUM. DUM. DUM. DUM-da-DUM. DUM-da-DUM.

[Manyfeek The Wookiee] fires laser? crossbow ((PEW-THWANG. PEW-THWANG. PEW-THWANG))

[DarthLowUnitCosts] emerges from the smoke ((HAND BLOCK YER LAZER BOW THING)) ((HAND BLOCK YER LAZER BOW THING)) ((HAND BLOCK YER LAZER BOW THING))

[DarthLowUnitCosts] reaches out and the wookiee’s laser? crossbow flies into her hands ((CRUSHES LASER? CROSSBOW THING))

[GAMS] with beat box BWAAAAH-WHEEEE-BWAAAAH-WHEEEE!

[DarthLowUnitCosts] reaches out and [GAMS] is sitting quietly next to her

[DarthLowUnitCosts] Psssssht-aaaaah. Psssssssth-aaaaaaah. You guys hungry? We brought cake?

[BILL-PO] hobble steps out of office Well, cake is nice. May I have a slice.

[DarthLowUnitCosts] Psssssht-aaaaah. I think there’s a knife in the bag. Psssssssth-aaaaaaah. Nope. Man. Psssssht-aaaaah. 31 Flavors right? Psssssssth-aaaaaaah. Only one job! Put the cake AAAAAND a knife in the bag. Psssssssth-aaaaaaah.

[DarthLowUnitCosts] firing off red lightsaber ((BZZZZOOMM WAANG BZZZZOOMM WAANG ZIP ZIP SNACKLYPOP)) ((ICE CREAM CAKE INTO 50 SLICES))

((CROWD EMERGING FROM HIDING))

[DarthLowUnitCosts] reaches out ((50 CAKE PLATES FLYING TO BUYERS))

[DarthLowUnitCosts] watching Pssssssht-aaaaah. I’d join you, but, well. Pssssssht-aaah. I usually eat alone. Pssssssht-aaaah. But you all enjoy yourselves.

[BILL-PO] stuffs cake through 2 CM slot acting as mouth Yum!

[DarthLowUnitCosts] watching Pssssssht-aaaaah. So, we’re super excited that you guys are joining the crew. Enjoy the cake and we’ll be in touch.

((IMPERIAL MARCH)) ((BRASS)) DUM. DUM. DUM. DUM-da-DUM. DUM-da-DUM. DUM. DUM. DUM. DUM-da-DUM. DUM-da-DUM.

[DarthLowUnitCosts] turning to the music You really don’t need to do that every time I take a walk. It’s good. We made a nice first impression and that’s great.

[DarthLowUnitCosts] OK. Everybody. Look forward to seeing you after the move. The move team will take it from here.

((CROWD WAVING BYE. as we fade to black))