The Ejl Interview

The EJL Interview

I am 21 years old in front of a sus woman.

I am sitting for my first professional job interview and in the middle of answering the key question all people must ask:

WHY do you want to work here?

This is a why question that, if interrogatives could blush, would join any number of useless questions that are in this basic category:

Are you a liar? Do you steal? What motivates you?

All of these questions, along with the first, is a prompt to start lying about you. All four questions have simple answers: money, no, no, money. There’s no reason to ask; however, I’m doing it for this job:

“Synergy. Growth. CPM. Move the needle. Upfront. Thought leadership. Scatter market. Makegoods. North star. Flywheel.” or something with a structure. If I used all these words, made sentences with them, smile, and not insult the person, the question will be answered well.

I’ve had practice answering this question at other jobs like scooping ice cream or making sandwiches:

“Synergy. Growth. Provolone. Move the needle. Capicola. Thought leadership. Roast beef. Pepper jack. North star. Flywheel.” or “Synergy. Growth. Rocky road. Move the needle. Mint chip. Thought leadership. Butter pecan. Pralines and cream. North star. Flywheel.”

Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem, but the woman in front of me has something odd in the corner of her lips. Both sides. Strange. I can’t stare, but if she just, say, had a latte or something, maybe the cup hit the corners. The words are coming but the eyes have the tough job. If she’s marred her makeup, I say nothing, she goes to the bathroom right after, then the job might be lost. If I say something, and this is what she wanted, then the job might be lost. My job is to determine if this lady wants to look like this or not, but not too hard in case it’s intentional.

I say something to get her to smile and watch carefully… and it’s even, so I’m good. Don’t look at the corners of her mouth. I know what to do. Don’t look at them. Easier typed than done. She asked to get up and I stand up…

Bah dah dah daaah, dah dah dah daaah 🎺 … turn around, and am asked when I can start? Monday, perhaps?

When I meet my coworkers on Monday, we all seem about the same height. I’m sure we all said something like “Synergy. Growth. CPM. Move the needle. Upfront. Thought leadership. Scatter market. Makegoods. North star. Flywheel.” … and that’s why we all got hired.