A road (trip) to nowhere

Cy waited in the cold breeze as Stan the Van rolled up to him, “CY BABY! IS IT TIME FOR MORE SHOPPING! I’M FULLY LOADED AND READY TO BUY SOME SHIT! LET’S PACK OLE STAN THE VA…”

Cy interrupted his friend, “Stan, I can hear you fine. No need to yell. Yes, more shopping, but first, we need to pick up a friend.”

Stan smiled and said, “Cy-lama, shopping is always better together. In fact, being together? That’s family! That’s Stan’s whole game in a nutshell. Get in!”

Cy hoisted himself behind Stan’s functionally useless “driver seat” and asked, “Do you know a safe way to this address? This is where my friend’s hive is located.”

Stan laughed, “I know a safe way, but I also know a fun way. A fast one with amor, armor and armor piercing rounds from your friend, Stan, to clear the way. Let’s get FIRED UP!”

Stan’s interior was holographically filled up with a hispanic child in a bowl cut. She shouted for no apparent reason, “WHERE ARE WE GOING TODAY! THAT’S RIGHT WE’RE GOING SHOPPING AND HOBO-ASS-KICKING! WHAT SAY YOU BOOTS!” A large monkey replaced the hispanic megaphone and started a heavy drum beat, “BoomBabaBoomBabaBoom”

Stan managed to burn rubber as a minivan and the turret folded out. Stan fired off a burst as they turned the corner and yelled, “LIN IS NEXT STOP. HOBOS MOVE OUT OF THE ROOOOAD!”