The Birth

Ch_003_000: The Birth

Brother Dusk and Dawn sat side by side on the set. Weatherwax stood between them as biting and scratching were possible between grandfather and grandson. The two humans rarely visited the set, but neither wanted to miss Brother Day’s performance. Her character would be giving birth.

Dawn had asked to play a role since he was actually Lassie Junior’s son, but Weatherwax was firm that he was far too large to be a convincing day-old human baby. The young man had tried wearing diapers and using a pacifier, but the dog just sighed and asked him to change clothes.

Brother Day came out of her method fugue. She was struggling with how to approach this scene and turned to Weatherwax. “So, giving birth. How does one express pain in a follically appropriate way? Women tend to overlook their hair unfortunately during extreme stress. We need to give the world an example of motherhood. Coiffed mothers are good mothers. A blissful birth makes for wise children.”

Dusk, the elder, kept his hirsute side towards his son. “When I was a boy, mothers would simply stop plowing, squat, and boom, another person to lend a hand. That’s a real mother. There was no stopping yer grandma, son. One moment she was giving milk and the next she was chasing poachers!!”

Dawn argued, “EXACTLY baldie! Kids were fully formed back then. We need to bring that ideal back. Fewer wimps! Mothers! Get back at it, I say. Kids! Why are you standing around doing nothing and get to work! I could show that! Just leap up and start plowing?”

Dusk countered, “The pot who has never sold a ticket is calling the kettle lazy.”

Weatherwax barked, “Stop it now. I have a can and I will use it here. Right in public, OK?”

The entire Lassie dynasty looked at the dog with fear in their eyes. All human eyes were now locked on the dog’s shining yellow ones.

“Please, Brother Day. Beyond the venom of your kin, the ideas are sound. This is a family show and should show the ideal family. This is why you, Lassie, must present the ideal. Birth is difficult but ennobling. That nobility should shine through. Your hair should show the sacrifice all women make to give us life. Display the sheen and body that shows all women: perfection in life can be achieved through solid grooming habits coupled with compliant behaviors,” huffed the dog to its star.

The dog then looked hard at Lassie Junior and said, “We have competition, Lassie Junior. You need to nail this scene for the future of Lassie going forward. Lassie can only give birth the first time once.” Lassie looked solemnly upwards and said, “I am Lassie and Lassie is eternal.” Weatherwax smiled and left its star to get ready for action.

Lassie Junior closed her eyes and became Lassie, Jeff’s Collie. She lay down in a circle of straw, and several dogs fanned out her long hair in a circular halo around her head. A variety of tropical flowers were then woven carefully to mimic an Erté in human flesh. The dogs carefully misted the hair and the sheen of it dazzled. Several dogs sucked their teeth in appreciation and walked away.

The puppy playing Jeff was walked in and Weatherwax gave the puppy some direction, “Jeff, c’est icitte que Lassie met au monde sept nouveaux bébés. M’as te demander de les compter un par un. Guette mon signal. C’est un show familial, ça fait qu’on doit rester chastes, hein? Fait que tu vas devoir planter le décor pour le monde qui nous regarde, au lieu de montrer de quoi de déplacé.”

Jeff yipped back, “Okidou! J’aime don’ ça, les bébés! Y sont don’ mous!”

Weatherwax stood behind the camera and barked for action.

Lassie Junior beamed and then softly said, “yahoo.” She lifted her head slightly and Jeff daubed her forehead.

The puppy squealed, “Un! Ou, Non! Une!”

Brother Day looked heavenward and smiled softly, “yaaaahooo!” Her eyes shined in ecstasy and contentment.

Jeff barked, “Ça, c’est les bébés deux, trois pis quatre!”

Lassie looked directly at the lens and blinked languidly, “yahhhhoooo!”

Jeff huffed softly, “R’garde, les deux prochains ont les yeux de leur père!”

Finally, Lassie closed her eyes and then smiled. She sighed and simply said, “YAHOO.”

Jeff said, “R’garde, çui-là a une crête!”

The puppy pulled up a small puppet that looked remarkably like a small human child with a mohawk. The mohawk was bright green and the puppy laughed a bit at the sight of it.

Weatherwax ended the scene and the actors - human and dog - relaxed.

Brother Dawn’s eyes were watering, under his bright green mohawk, when he said, “I did not know that was in the script. Why did you do that, Weatherwax?”

The dog smiled back at Dawn and said, “If you insist on wearing that hair into your Day, we should prepare the world for a different Lassie perhaps?”

Dusk huffed and said, “Just keep him away from any loud noises! At least I am blessed that I will not have to watch a maimed Lassie in my lifetime.”

Brother Day rose and Weatherwax collected and carefully organized the blonde and white halo into a braid. The human mumbled something to herself, but the take was done in one.