The Screen Reader
The Screen Reader
I’m in my forties and driving all the cars then.
I see the road ahead and we’ve only a handful of minutes before we’re home. We’re all in the car together so it’s already going to be a happy moment.
The trip will be short so there’s no Miyazaki movie playing. Not even the John Denver one or Michael Keaton as pig-flying (flying-pig?) World War One ace. I never see a frame of either of these but I hear them from end to end many times.
Since they’re bored, they’re playing with one of the worst toys for children: Barbie. There’s only two in the car and the rest of the 120 180 190 200 other ones are waiting for their friends at home.
Barbie has limited motion and so, it’s hard to show her do anything. Sure, she can “go up high and block from the net” (both hands up). She can keep you at a distance (both hands forward), and problematically, she could march in a Leni Riefenstahl film and by deciding the angle of her arm and her leg angle, decide how offensive you’d like to be.
My children hadn’t discovered all the ways to “show” with Barbie and they want to do something other than what I’ve listed.
I look briefly back. Both Barbies are “up high and block from the net.” Their legs are now handles in small fists. Sadie has Sadie’s and Zoe has Zoe’s. Zoe’s looking out the window as the cars and signs go by and it’s clear the Barbie adventure is about to begin.
ZOE:
“Hi, my name is Dr. Clamcheese and I’m opening up a dinosaur restaurant.”
(I’m wondering if the dinosaurs are serving or being served and wait.)
It’s Sadie’s turn and Zoe prompts a bit.
ZOE: (whispering to Sadie so the missing audience isn’t disturbed) “What’s your Barbie’s name?”
SADIE: Clowney.
ZOE approves and continues.
ZOE: “Hi. Mr. Cowney. Please come in.”
…and then something strange happens.
[CLAMCHEESE OPENS OFFICE DOOR]
A robot is talking from the back seat. It’s a completely different voice. Dark, insistent on what is there and not there at the same time. However, I’m shocked when…
[CLOWNEY ENTERS ROOM]
…exactly the same tone and cadence, but it’s Sadie.
The robots, because dialog is boring, take over.
ZOE: [CLAMCHEESE BRINGS IN TROLLEY WITH COVERS] “Would you like to make your choice now?”
SADIE: [CLOWNEY NODS]
ZOE: [CLAMCHEESE OPENS TROLLEY COVER TO EXPOSE HEADS OF DINOSAURS] “Which one.”
SADIE: [CLOWNEY POINTS AT TREX] “This one.”
ZOE: [CLAMCHEESE MAKES GENEROUS SLICE. SLICE ENOUGH TO FEED ENTIRE FAMILY PLUS LEAVE ROOM FOR A DOGGIE BAG] [GIVES TO CLOWNEY]
SADIE: [CLOWNEY EATS SAVORY FLESH] “Yum.”
The ride home ends before we can eat more and I wonder where this is coming from.