Raiders

Raiders

I’m eleven and watching Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time.

I see the following scene on the screen:

The chamber is impossibly old. Torchlight barely reaches the walls. Indiana Jones stands at the edge of a pit. It is filled with snakes. Thousands of them. Hissing. Writhing. The Ark is on the other side.

INDIANA JONES: “Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes.”

A window shatters from nowhere.

BAM! Snake Guy lands in the pit. The snakes stop hissing. They know him.

SNAKE GUY: (brushing glass off his shoulder) “What’s the holdup, bud?”

INDIANA JONES: “The pit is full of—”

SNAKE GUY: “Yeah. I see em. What about it?”

INDIANA JONES: “There are thousands of—”

SNAKE GUY: “Hey! Fellas!”

The snakes part like the Red Sea. A clear path to the Ark.

SNAKE GUY: “They’re cool. The brown ones bite but only if you’re being weird about it. Don’t be weird about it.”

INDIANA JONES: (staring)

SNAKE GUY: (already across, hands on the Ark) “You coming or what? I got three more temples today.”

INDIANA JONES: “That belongs in a museum!”

SNAKE GUY: “Pshaw. Museums are for people who can’t just go get the thing.”

Snake Guy hucks the Ark into a waiting car outside. How there is a car outside an ancient temple is not addressed.

INDIANA JONES: “Can I at least get my—”

SNAKE GUY: (tossing him the whip) “You left this at my place last time. Catch you on Facebook later, friend.”

Snake Guy exits through the front entrance. The boulder that was supposed to chase them rolls politely to the side.

The boulder nods.